KSena's Journal

A month later and here I am again. Guess I can't stay away. :-) End of 2017. I guess a little reflection of the year is in order.

Don't know really where to start. :-) It's been a pretty good year, most of it. Apart from the autumn this year. Less good that one.

Early 2017 was good. The winter-part and the spring-part. I do work a lot, and I do enjoy it.

I feel like I started to grow into my professional role a lot this year over all. And it started this year, pretty much. I feel more confident. And I know what to do, how to do it.

One thing I do know though, and I am working on it, is that I want to do to much. I have a lot of ideas. Things I want to do at work. But there's never enough time, you know? I did get more time this year. Before I worked only 30 hours a week at the school and 10 hours at a neighboring library. This year I got 40 hours to work only in the school, so that's good. More time. But there's never enough time when you are the sole responsible for EVERYTHING at a workplace, is it? :-)

So this autumn it just got a bit to much with work, family and everything. Usually the autumn blues does not effect me. I've never suffered from it. But this year... This year it hit. Hard. Hard as fuck. Depressed friends told me I showed signs of depression, and that might be true. I had no energy for anything. And I pulled back from socializing with anyone at all, even my best friend. And I stopped logging into my chat programs. Which I used to do a lot before. I just didn't have the energy. I didn't have any energy left at all when I came home from work, and I constantly felt like I lacked there to, despite my boss and colleagues telling me otherwise. The teachers and other staff at school think I do a great job to, but at that time I couldn't take that in. So that was not a fun part of 2017.

And lets not start on the political climate in the world these days. That's a depressing state for sure. Fuck Trump. And that's all I'll say on that, or this post will be even more of a downer.

The Swedish political climate isn't to much fun either, since Sverige Demokraterna, which is the alt-right here in Sweden has far to much power. And is gaining it. And there's far to many areas in Sweden where crime is running rampant (and the school I'm working in is in one of them areas...), but trying to beat it with racism is not the answer. Racism and hate never is.

*sigh* So that was the less than good part about this post, but it's reality, so that's that.

But despite how I've felt about my job, I do like it! Even though I struggle with my hooligans, when I'm alone with them, they're so nice to talk to! It's when they come in a group, things get crazy. And the other kids/teens at the school are WONDERFUL! There's about 700 kids/teens at the school now, and the hooligans are around... 10-15 kids/teens. Soooo many refugee kids though, or children of refugees. Hence why I work my ass off to make sure they get the best possible help to make it here in Sweden. To do that, you need to know how to read...

As you can see much of my life is... work...

Then there's Alexandra, of course. The best thing in my life. :-) She grows SO FAST! It's crazy! And she's growing up to be a really good kid. :-) Spoiled, yes. Both grandma's really do love to spoil her rotten. *lol* No wonder my MIL wants to, since Alexandra is her only grandkid. :-)

She cares a lot of her friends and her cousins. She really loves them. So I hope when she starts school she'll have her friends in the same class. Fingers crossed. Her big cousin Tilda, who is 10 years old, is Alexandras big idol. She follows her like a little puppy when we're at the same spot, and she learns a lot from her.

One thing she's really gotten from Tilda is the love off horses. Alexandra started riding this year, and she has really taken to it! She's always been very shy, but not when she's at the stable. She's really outgoing there, and not afraid of the horses at all. :-D At this riding school you don't only learn how to ride on the horse, but also how to take care of the horse. The whole thing. And she's not afraid to get her hands dirty. Not at all. So that's really impressive! And she's getting really good at riding to, for her age. :-D So I'm totally happy with driving her to the stable once a week. Eventually there'll be more than once a week, I know. But I'm fine with it, since it seems to be good for her, not only physically but mentally to! And she loves it! Win-win!

Her teachers/caregivers at daycare says she is doing really well at daycare to, she's popular with the other kids. She likes to learn new things. To try new things and to explore. And to help her friends when needed. Only time she ends up cranky is when she can't run the games she does with her friends. I think that comes from her being an only child and always deciding the games herself at home.

Another bad thing is that she's inherited two bad qualities from me and Peting... My tendency to 'disappear' in my fantasies, to the point I dream while being awake and not hear or see what's going on around me. So people have to touch me or call out for me to snap me out of it. Alexandra does this to, especially when tired, morning or evening.

Another thing, that she got from Peting, is her absolutely HORRID morning-temper! Now, I don't expect anyone to be cheerful at 6am in the morning which is the time I wake her up, but my GAWD! There's some serious fights quite often when she just refuses to do anything at all, and fights and hits me to get out of it. I've been brought to tears some mornings because I've been so frustrated and this autumn and winter I've been late for work nearly every morning. :-/ Peting is like that to. Well, he is not fighting, but I do avoid going into the kitchen until he's taken a seat and started on his breakfast. Just saying.

Right, so... This last month or two, I've started doing a lot better. I even start feeling an urge to go back to the vampire-LARP, which we stopped doing as well this year. We took a break, but now I'm started to feel energy and urge to go back to that to. They've done a restart this year, so instead of vampires in the modern age, the LARP is now set in the medieval times. Medieval vampires... We'll see if I can figure something out for it. I've noticed that many of the LARPers that moved away from this city for work and education has started to move back again. It would be fun to play against them again. :-)

So as you can see, even though this year has been tougher than previous years, I'm still going out on top. At least that's how it feels like to me. :-) I do have hopes for 2018. Alexandra is starting school! So that's going to be interesting! Onward to 2018!

Books, movies, tv-shows... I'll just have to make a separate post for that! Kudos if anyone had the energy to read through all that!

I made a deal with hexenhasel today to be better at posting, and I'll try to do that. I'm not sure I can jump back so far to catch up, so if there's any post you want me to read specificlly, link to it in a comment or just tell me whatever you want me to know. :-) I'll jump back until December 1'st, and then keep up from that.

This entry is cross posted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.

So... The issue with my substitute continues...

I hope I got to a bit of a solution to the issue though. It was teachers study day today, so no kids/teens at the school really. Which made sure we could have a bit of a talk. I told him how shocked I was about him answering the teens that he'd be happy to be out of there, as I wrote yesterday. And he hadn't seen it as a bad thing since he'd been talking to those girls before (those are some of the good girls, loud but good).

As most of you would know I am VERY blunt, honest and straight to the point. Not unkindly though. I kept checking with him that he was OK, and all that. So it was a good talk. And I'm sure there'll be more of them. He confessed he was afraid going to work while working at this school. He doesn't feel safe there. And can't stop thinking about our hooligans aka jewels when at home, afraid of what they'll do when he gets there the next day.

Dear boy. You have to stop doing that. Seriously. That is not going to work in the long run. He's just 26, I found out today. But he admitted he was totally unprepared to work a full time job. He's just been hired by the hour before this, mostly at the big city library. And there you do one thing at a time. Either you are at the information desk OR you shelf books. One or the other. So hence he couldn't wrap his mind around doing both AND have kids/teens in the library at the same time.

He is a nice guy. Just VERY inexperienced, young and unsure of himself. Working my job? With the issues there, our 'jewels' aka hooligans and that troubled area? NOT a good fit for him. He's not been doing good mentally, he confessed.

So even though I'm still annoyed at the state of the library, since he hasn't shelfed much or kept much of any order in the bookshelfs... I do feel a bit sorry for him. He needs to grow up. (Also, since he doesn't know the alphabet that well what with being dyslexic he made a cheat-sheet... of the alphabet...)

A teen, yesterday, ex-hooling who actually takes care of his grades and stuff these days, he gave me an applaud when I threw one of the hooligans out (while limping, mind) and said happily "So glad to have a librarian with balls back!" Uhu... Thanks? X-D *mildly amused* But it does give an idea how the teens have felt about my substitute, doesn't it? :-P

ANYHOW!

Next week I'll work four hours a day, and we'll touch base on what classes he's been at and what he's done with them. And he wanted to see a bit how I worked, so he'll learn. (Good on him for even asking that! Gives me hope!) So that'll be interesting. :-) And after that... Full time and I'm back full blast, kicking the ASS of any hooligan giving troubles in the library! Literary! With a limp! X-D

Lastly I want to share this. Because it made me smile. Also, Jon Stewart is THE GREATEST! And I wish he'd not retired. I've watched this twice.




This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.