kseenaa: (Default)
2015-09-23 11:34 pm

Reason I've been absent: My fucked up job... at a library...

And here I thought I’d have energy enough to actually update my LJ. Apparently not. *sigh*

And I’ll tell you exactly why I haven’t had any energy and why I’ve been so absent. :-P

So I got a new job, right? Started in April. And to start with it all felt good. Yeah, so I worked ten hours on Mondays, 8am to 6:15pm. And three hours one Saturday a month. But that was fine, because the rest was OK.

But that was because my predecessor had finished off as much as possible.

Then summer came and went, and you all know how busy I was then. All good stuff, but rest? I had none.

And to make matters worse the night between Sunday and Monday, the day before work, Alexandra decided to have a grand performance. And stayed up from 00:30am to 5am. Which left me with only two hours of sleep, and [livejournal.com profile] peting73 only three. Night before going back to work. And my first day? Ten hours.

I was not all there, let me tell you…

And the first thing we did, boss and I, after the Monday meeting was to plan all months from August until December with all the dates and hours I was to be at all them schools.

Oh, and to make it even more brilliant. Instead of being responsible for 6 schools, like my predecessor, I am responsible for 8 schools.

Great.

And once we were done planning and I saw my schedule, I panicked. No joke. Yeah, sure. I only do activities ONCE in each class on all them schools. But that’s 8 schools, people!!! Whatever I do, I have to do it AT LEAST 8 times, most likely more. Ugh.

One thing stressed me out the more, and that’s the activity called “booktalks”. What you do then is you bring a pile of books to the class you visit and you talk about the books, what they’re about and why they are so great and why you should read them and why it’s important to read. Basically. Which also means… You have to read a couple of them books….

Yeah…

I have booktalks for grade 3, 4, 5 and 6. In each school. That’s a lot of books. And a lot of books that I’m supposed to read. Cue stressed out. Thank heavens awesome boss helped me find suitable books for each class and dividing them up between schools and classes.

I refuse to do work when I’m not at work, which means I somehow have to find time to read books when I’m at work. Not easy, near impossible. And when I don’t feel like reading, it’s really hard. Even if it is my job.

And to make matters even more fun, during all of August and much of September, much of my time was consumed by the feast given to those kids who managed the challenge The Summer Book Club where they had to read at least 6 books during the summer. As a reward they got a feast. And since I’m a school librarian, I was involved in arranging this feast. And since I’m the newest hired, my other two colleagues took most of the responsibility. My job was to keep in touch with the magician that we’d hired (no problem! cool guy!) and to keep in touch with the janitor off the premise we’d hired (hard to catch on phone, but then no problem).

So no problem, right? Wrong.

See, one of my colleagues are badly burnt out. No kidding. And during this time it got painfully obvious. She barely managed to do what she had on her plate. And me and my other colleague had to remind her constantly.

My other colleague? She quite. She got another job, and then was just gone. Within a week. Boss knew about it, but shit. Not a good timing. Now it was just me and burnt out colleague. And she is incapable of taking any responsibility.

So I ended up responsible for the whole thing.

I did not have fun. Thank heavens I’ve been responsible for crazy shit when I was active in the Sexmasters* at the Student Union Pub, just saying! Because I channeled my wicked Sexmaster personality and turned boss of hell on her ass… *grump* If I hadn’t, things would not have ended up well. Colleague that had quite was there anyway, because the kids knew her and missed her. But she had no clue what to do either. Only me.

I don’t know how, but the party ended up a success. Much thanks to the magician Reggie Simon, I believe. BRILLIANT man! And an american that has moved to Sweden, so I got a bit nostalgic there. :-)

But to say I was a wreck when I came home that night would be an understatement.

So did it calm down after that? No. Hell no. Well, workload yes. A bit. I’ve gotten more comfortable with my job and I am starting to feel that I actually know my shit, unlike panicking all the time which I did during the entire time of August.

BUT! Burnt out colleague… Ho boy… While I got all the schools on the countryside here, she got all the daycare centers. And the responsibility for the art showroom the library have.

And she can’t do it. I’ve seen some of the stuff she’s sent out to parents and employees and newspapers and I’m just… It’s beyond unprofessional, and that’s coming from ME that really is not very professional to start with.

She forgets information to the artists that shows their art in the art showroom (which forced me to stay one HOUR longer than I should have the other night so I could fix that). She sends the wrong information to the newspapers. She forgets when she’s supposed to be at work. She sends what time of day she’s to visit daycare centers, but not what date… She puts books in the wrong place. She loses books. She promises patrons, daycare centers and schools things she shouldn’t, since she can’t do whatever it is and the rest of us don’t have time to.

It’s just one thing after another. Unending. And who gets to clean up her mess? Me and my other awesome colleague and my awesome boss. I’ve worked here since April, and the longer I’m here the more shit I see that she’s made a total mess off. My awesome colleague has been here for 10 years (older rocker guy with nearly no filter, I love working with him) and is so feed up with everything it’s not even funny. And my boss, who hasn’t been here quite as long (and really got no filter either while being an awesome leader, I love working with her to), is so stressed out I fear she’ll burn out badly to…

It’s just an extremely bad situation all around.

We’ve tried to contain it so the patrons won’t notice too much. But now it has becoming harder and harder to do so. Burnt out colleague has some hours in the information desk, but she can’t even do that these days, since the patrons flat out says she’s to confused and they don’t feel they get the help they want.

It’s annoying, stressful, frustrating and beyond all, sad. So fucking sad.

Because burnt out colleague? She was my boss on my very first library job I got at a school library. And back then she was in total control even though she worked way to hard and way to long hours. And we had SUCH a good time working together then, and she taught me so much.

Just to end up like this. It’s so heartbreakingly sad to see in the midst of the stress and frustration.

Anyway, so yeah… That would be the reason why I’ve been absent. I’m just stressed out as fuck, and try to hang on and concentrate on my job with 8 schools and the bookvan once a week.

I have this job until December 31st, so I’m hanging on until then. Not sure I want to keep this job if I’m offered, to be quite honest…




*Still got NOTHING to do with sex. To sexa is an old swedish word that means to party. So it basically stands for partymasters with a bit of an innadu.

This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
kseenaa: (Default)
2014-10-06 10:15 pm

The dead returns...

Oh gawd. Where to even begin with this clusterfuck of insanity that went down this weekend? Let’s see if I can. And, unless they are too personal, I will try and answer any questions in the comments.

This might be a little bit triggering, so a little warning for that.

Remember my friend that committed suicide? That I’ve mourned since July? Well. Turns out, she never did. She’s not dead.

I found this out Friday. A DM on Twitter was sent to me with a link to an LJ-post where this person had dug out the truth about the fact that my friend had faked her own suicide.

At that point, I wasn’t sure, since my friend and her had their on and off friendship, and they were on and off enemies. So I couldn’t be sure of anything at that point. I was, however, hurt to see myself being discussed in the comments. (Just to later see that the frienenimy had made a post where I was discussed…)

Because, like it or not… I did like my friend. We had a lot of fun together. I supported her through anxiety attacks, talked her out of it when her paranoia went highwire, we talked about her kid and mine, she supported me when I went through IVF to get Alexandra, we roleplayed (so much!), we fangirled, we sent letters and photos to each other, christmas-cards, birthday cards… We had a lot of fun! And it wasn’t just through chatt, we talked through Skype and called each other on the phone to.

And I was my crazy honest blunt person with her to. Wasn’t like I walked around on eggshells when talking to her, if anyone would believe that. Still, she said herself that she saw me as her best friend. She liked my honesty and bluntness and often asked for it to.

Anyway, so after I’d seen that LJ-post, I got an email. From my friend. Just a few mins after I’d read that LJ-post (and commented on it). Two emails even. And second later, a message on my IM. Just to hit the shock home, or I don’t even know.

In these emails she tried to explain why she did it. And there’s just… too much that don’t add up. And reading between the lines, which I have gotten quite good at, I can see that she don’t wanna lose me as a friend.

I just… I can’t even. How? How can I even trust her after such a thing? I feel that I don’t even know her anymore. Four years. I stood up for her, supported her, helped her for four years. And she just threw that in my face like it was worth nothing. Nothing at all.

So how come then she went through such extremes?

I have no idea. I have two sides of the story, the frienimy (friends sometimes, enemy sometimes) and hers. And to be frank, even though I don’t trust much of what my previous friend wrote me, there’s much that don’t add up from her frienemimes posts either.

And to be honest, I really don’t care. Can’t say I want anything to do with either of them.

I am so incredibly hurt right now. I don’t think I’ve been this hurt since I don’t even know when. I feel both used and abused.

I just want to curl up in a corner and hide.

Can’t have that though. The warrior viking just fights on. No stopping life from moving is it?


This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
kseenaa: (SoA Venus van Damme)
2014-02-01 02:56 am

Fandom-meme, because why the hell not?

Alright. Gonna do this fandom meme that I've seen floating around, even if I am somewhat late to join in, but what the helll...

1. What's the worst fanfic you've ever written/have thought about writing?

I'm not a writer, never considered myself one. I do, however, have a Prompt-document where I collect ideas/bunnies or whatever you wanna call it. I sometimes throw them at writers I know or most often than not at various fests. And there are some of them that are... Pretty crazy. *lol* They'll never be written, most likely, but yes. There are some nuts stuff there. Especially when I stumble upon websites or links and then my mind starts working. I'll show two as examples:

42. Any pairing (NO twincest!)

There is surfing on the internet. There is living on two sides of the ocean. There are travels. There is boredom. There is times when one is so horny it hurts and your significant other is far away. Good thing then, eh, that technology has done some serious leaps and bounds in this day and age! Because with a little help from LovePalz, distance is no longer a problem…

LovePalz with commentary (feel free to take inspiration!): http://kseenaa.tumblr.com/post/46293135556/nanibgal-goddessofcheese-psdo-wugs


LovePalz website so you know it is all true. :-)
https://www.lovepalz.com/

43. Gustav/Anyone

Gustav has a sister. A sister that loves teasing the hell out of her little brother when she gets the chance. So when she stumbles upon these… she sends the link to her brother, who of course tell her to go fuck off… but secretly keeps the link and buys a pair… Because really… It’s just too brilliant. And his significant other has NO complaints after an evening playing around with these! In fact, he wants a chance to use them to…

Vibrating drumsticks…: http://www.shopinprivate.com/phil-varone-sex-stix.html


Seriously, Internet? What do you DO to my brain?

2. Admit to a kink you're ashamed you like.

I am not ashamed per say about any kinks, really. But the one that is most rarely written and one can get some raised eyebrows at... is daddy-kink. And I really really love that. Also, I have a HUGE thing for darkfic with gore and all the trimmings, and that... can cause a few raised eyebrows as well. Especially since I can NOT watch horror-movies without getting nightmares. I know. Makes no sense what so ever.

3. Copy paste a line from the first smutty fanfic you wrote or fess up to a sexual fantasy you have about a character.

I don't write. I only cheat a little in drabbles. And I do a lot of RP where there's smut galore. But fic-wise? Well... Let's see if I can find a drabble that has smut in it. An early one. And, of course, the first drabble with smut in it is a dark one. And a crossover one, True Blood/Tokio Hotel.

Throwing the boy over his desk, Eric squeezed himself before pulling the boys shorts down... Those fucking eyes always got to him... Can’t have that. And he had such a nice body... A strong body. He would probably last longer than most... Not caring about preparing him, Eric pushed in... It always got a sound out of him, and he wanted to hear him...

“Gah! Oh gawd... SHIT! Ah... Fuck...”

And there it was... Eric smirked a bit, smelling the boys blood in the air... Leaning over him, he licked his neck, feeling the pulse thrum hard under the thin skin... Biting his neck next to an old scar, Eric could feel how the boy got more frantic under him, the pain more or less forgotten... mixed with pleasure now... Such sweet delicious blood... Tinged with pain, fear and pleasure... Just the right mix.

“No... Yes... Geezes, PLEASE!!!”

Not even touching him, Eric just let go of the wound and whispered in the boys ear. “Come.” And he did. Hard. Marking his desk. Again. The way his warm body clutched around him, more or less pulled Erics own orgasm out of him... And he filled the boys bleeding ass silently, nearly pushing both boy and desk across the room...


Shut up.

4. Have you ever read or written RPS/RPF?

I'd say Tokio Hotel counts. It's the only fandom where I've read RPS.

5. Most shameful ship?

I'm not ashamed of any ship I've enjoyed reading. I usually go for the rare or odd ones.

6. Ever been at the center of fandom drama?

Yeah, or at least RP-drama. Big community of players in the Buffyfandom when there was a lot of RP going on in said fandom. Was part of a whole community of players then. Mod asked for help from me. Then blamed all the problems in the game on me. All other roleplayers believed her. Things were hell for awhile and I didn't do any RP for... at LEAST 6 months or so. Not to fun, no.

7. What is your fandom guilty pleasure?

I have no idea what they mean here... Guilty pleasure? Roleplaying as a gay man maybe? I don't know...

If you have a better idea, let me know what I could answer here... Really. Suggestions are welcome.

8. Share something you did in fandom that you're embarrassed about.

I bashed another fandom without meaning to once. To me, it felt like I was drowning and got said fandom pushed at me all the time. "Like this!" "You have to like that!" "You gotta see this!" And it got to much for me and I kicked back just to get people to stop already. It wasn't very nice of me, I know. But hey... Live and learn, I guess.

9. Describe the first time you read a smutty fanfic. What ship was it and what kinks were involved?

A long time ago. And not even in Sweden. It was during my time in the US that I discovered the Xena-fandom and started reading fanfic. I can't pinpoint exact day and fic, but... I am 100% sure it was Xena/Gabrielle. I think there was bondage and whips involved. (It's Xena, come on...) And maybe some voyeurism as well, not 100% sure. So I started my fanfic-reading career with femme-slash.

10. Any fandoms you'd hate to admit you were a part of?

Nope. Not ashamed of any of them. Have a list:

Robin of Sherwood, Xena the Warriorprincess, Buffy the Vamprieslayer, Pirates of the Caribbean, Tokio Hotel, Sons of Anarchy...

11. Just how often do you think about your favorite characters getting down and dirty?

Considering I usually roleplay my favorite characters in smutty (more or less... most often then not more...) settings... You don't even wanna know.

12. Someone found your delicious account/bookmarks/AO3 account or however you keep track of your favorite fics. What's the one fic you're going to be most humiliated about?

Probably some daddy-kink fic... or the one with necrophilia. Yeah. Any of those.

13. Ever been caught reading smut/writing smut/drawing smut/looking at smutty drawings?

Peting's computer is right next to mine, so I'd say yes. And he looks and comments sometimes. Yes, he is very straight. Yes, he thought looking at gay porn was disgusting when he first meet me (although never had anything against gay-people... just didn't wanna see.). And then, well... he meet me. He is so used to it now he don't even raise an eyebrow.

14. What would your parent/guardian/family friend think if they saw your tumblr LiveJournal?

Peting: "Still the same fandom? Same old, same old... What does she wanna know about the male anatomy today?"

Spicehobbit: "RPS? AAAAH! My eyes!" *beat* "Where's the Les Misarables post...?"

Mom: "So this is what it actually looks like? Interesting..."

Brother: "You're nuts."

Had my father lived he'd have calmly told me to get out of the house more.

15. Oh shit you croaked without getting rid of the fandom stuff you saved to your computer. What's your next of kin or friend going to find when they turn on your computer?

They'd find a very orderly set of files and subfiles. So it's very easy to find on my comptuer. Photos, fanart, fanfic... The only thing I've hidden is my hentai-folder. *cough* So anyone would have to work a little to find that one. Hopefully they won't and I'll be able to stop anyone from looking in that deep dark pit.

This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
kseenaa: (Default)
2013-12-23 02:00 am

Christmas-spirit? Eh... No.

I don't know what it is with my Christmas-spirit this year, but I gotta say. I have none.

I've been working my ASS off trying to fix Christmas-gifts for everyone. Usually I buy on online-auctions, used and new stuff. Also websites and such. But I was a bit late doing that, so... All arrived though, in the nick of time. I wrapped what was supposed to be the last one tonight.

Except one hasn't arrived. [livejournal.com profile] peting73's hasn't arrived. So.... Slightly pissed off about that. And I ordered it the 2nd of December to! So I wasn't THAT late...

And I've tried to keep the apartment clean, and well... I've sorta managed that. In between Alexandra's temper tantrums. Oh yeah, she has started with those now.

Night between Thursday-Friday she stayed up from 1:30am to 5am. I'd gone to bed at 1am. Then she wakes up at 7am again, and we're home alone since [livejournal.com profile] peting73 is at work.

I was not a happy momma then. Gladly I had a sleep in both Friday morning and Saturday morning, since it was LARP-time for me this weekend!

But... I stayed up until 4am Saturday morning either way, so didn't sleep to much then either. Helped a friend with some stuff online then, even if... Well. Friend it feels like I'm in a drama with, so... I don't know. Worried like FUCK about her while at the same time I'm driven up the wall.

Long story there, not going into it.

Add to that that my OTHER really good friend online has gone MIA lately, and what with her suffering from a permanent disease, that kinda worries me... a lot.

I've sent off a ton of packets and christmas-cards today, so they'll be late, but they're on the way, so... perhaps call it a New Years card instead, maybe? *shrug*

Usually I have a shit-ton of spoons, but this christmas? Feels like there are no spoons left, wth? What is this with me lately?

[livejournal.com profile] peting73 does offer to help, but I don't know what to tell him. I just SEE what needs to be done during the day, and he... don't. And it's hard to make a list of things that I do during the day, especially during Christmas.

And next year we'll have a gathering here on the 23ed instead of going to [livejournal.com profile] peting73s mom like we'll do tomorrow... Oh, I do NOT look forward to that. Well, I do, but not the preparations for it. With Alexandra a year older to. Oh gawd...

Well, this was a chipper post, wasn't it?

Guh.

I'll just go to bed and pull something old and ugly over me. Like my cover.

And I haven't even painted my nails. *RAGE*

This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
kseenaa: (Default)
2013-11-11 01:02 am
Entry tags:

Fandom, why for art thou?

This fandom... Seriously.

Two fans won a competition on Tokio Hotels Facebook. Well... They were mostly picked randomly I can imagine, but I am quite OK with that. I am actually very happy for these two girls that got a paid trip to Los Angeles to meet Bill and Tom Kaulitz. I think that is REALLY cool! And not something the twins had to do. They also got to hear two of the upcoming songs on the album that they're working on. Also really cool!

But do you think a big part of the fandom was happy for them? Of course not. That would be to much to ask, wouldn't it?

The guys cheated when they picked who won. They didn't look at the vids that the fans entered in the contest. They didn't care about their fans. They only picked the fans with the biggest tits. They only picked the fans that spammed their Facebook the most....

I could go on.

Why can't fans just be... happy for each other when something good happens, eh? Is that to much to ask?

Well.

I am happy for them at least. :-) And I hope they had a brilliant day! And that Bill and Tom are just as nice to talk to in RL as they appear to be in interviews.

Here's a photo of them girls:

Under this cut... )

And them girls also posted a vid from their hotel room after meeting them boys telling other fans about their experience. Something they did not have to do! But did anyway. Which I found quite awesome as well!

Vid with happy fans after meeting Kaulitz twins! )

Cute and nice girls. I would imagine they becoming friends after this. :-)

And tonight the MTV EMA's are in full swing. No, I am not watching it, unfortunately. I am doing LJ-things instead. (Obviously.)

Tokio Hotel won the award for Biggest Fans! :-D AWESOME, says I! But, of course, there's fans complaining about this to. Because the guys won't be there. They haven't said they'll be there, but there are apparently rumours going that they were supposed to. Hey. If it's not from the guys themselves, or their management, I call bullshit. And now there's fans angry at the boys for not going there in person to get the award... when they never said they were going to from start.

Grow up. That's all I'll say on that.

Right, so... Here I was getting back into the swing of things... Can someone tell me why? Hmm? *sigh*

This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
kseenaa: (Default)
2013-11-07 12:17 am

PotC-fan has a rant... And the reason for my absence.

I rewatched Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides the other day. Well, I've rewatched all four of them since I ended up in a roleplaying Will Turner, cursed Captain of the Flying Dutchman in a RPG (slashed with Dean Winchester from Supernatural. Yep. It works.). And I LOVE and adore the first three movies! Well, my favorites being Dead Man's Chest and At Worlds End, what with the story-arc of Will Turner and the AWESOMENESS that is The Flying Dutchman and crew! (Yes, I fangirl a ship. Shut up.)

But the last movie, On Stranger Tides? It just don't... have the the same feeling. The same heart. Everyone just says that it's just because there's no Will Turner in it that I don't like it. And yeah, that's partly the reason, but not all.

I mean, I don't mind to much the fact there's no Will Turner in it.

No. What I do mind, however...

Is that Will Turner's and Elisabeth Swan's story arcs, so tightly woven together with Jack Sparrow's story arc... is totally ignored. When watching the forth movie, it's like you can just forget everything that happened in the first three, like they didn't matter. And THAT... is what bothers me the most. And I doubt that'll improve if/when the fifth movie arrives...

And now I've ranted about that. Just had to get that off my chest.

Talking about fandoms though, I have started working with a brilliant layout-maker to make a layout for [livejournal.com profile] tokiohotelslash. It'll cost me a bit from my own pocket, but hey... I think it's worth it. That place needs some loving. :-) And I can't wait to see what she'll come up with, since she does both coding and graphics. Gonna be fun! :-)

That's that about fandoms.

Now to the reason for my absence, if anyone even cares...

I've felt a bit low, if you will. Because I've had some serious troubles with the unemployment fund. I mean, I do qualify for support so should get money from them. BUT!!! And this is what had me so bothered...

Because I worked in June 2012. Like, mayorly pregnant and close to when Alexandra was born. I only worked in the big City Library for three hours that day. The only day that month. And then, a month and a week or so later, Alexandra was born. And my life as a new mom and getting used to that started.

Thing is. I never reported in those hours. I never got paid for them, since the finance department / payroll never ever got my paperwork. That also meant that I couldn't get a certificate of employment...

This, as it showed, got me in some serious troubles with the unemployment fund. :-/

Because they NEEDED that certificate of employment or I wouldn't get ANY money from them. They had ALL the paperwork they needed to, and had doublechecked with all the finance departments / payrolls of every job I've had these last years, since that is what they do. And when doing that, they noticed one certificate of employment was missing.

Now.

That meant I had to hand in my report on them hours to the finance department / payroll... more than one year late. Since I did the job in June 2012. And I had to have my then boss at the City Library sign it. She had no problems doing that. There were records of me working said hours at the library. So she did.

Then I called the finance department / payroll again telling them paperwork is on the way! At which point they told me it wasn't certain they COULD get me in their records since it was so long ago, and it's a new year and all that... But that they would try and I just had to wait since they went through all the paperwork for those hired by the hour in the mid/end of the month.

Which left me in limbo, pretty much, and living of [livejournal.com profile] peting73. He don't mind, but all this trouble left me feeling very down, I have to say.

And then there was this trouble with LJ and ALL the drama that came with it since there are too many people in too many fandoms that don't think but just spread rumors and... Yeah. That to pulled me down. (Here's some info on that issue, btw. From staff. In the USA, if that makes you feel better: Info from [livejournal.com profile] markf HERE.)

So I pretty much stopped reading on LJ. Stopped posting. Stopped reading fanfic. Stopped everything. Except chatting with my friends. Roleplaying with them. And helping them with THEIR fic. Because I just couldn't deal with all the rest.

LJ, fandom, fanfics... roleplaying. It's supposed to be fun, and it wasn't. I am now slowly, ever so slowly, getting back to it. It still feels fun. And I hope it'll continue to be that.

This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
kseenaa: (Default)
2013-05-20 10:51 pm

A less than happy post, but...

Yeah, I just have to get this shit off my chest...

My worry levels spiked this winter, let me tell you... My brother... My beloved brother... He and his wife has had some serious troubles in their marriage since before Christmas... and longer then that... And then, when he called me before Christmas all falling to pieces? He told me she'd gotten an apartment of her own. Behind his back. *sigh*

Not to get into to it much, but safe to say it has brewed this. For a while. I mean, my brother is by no way innocent in all this. But he recognizes that. And he has gotten help through therapy and he also fixed family counseling that they both went to for a while and still do. He has REALLY worked on himself.

But to no avail. And now they've divorced. :-/ So. Damn. Sad.

I am not angry with my brothers ex-wife. Not at all. I just find the whole thing very sad. And I worry about their kids to. They'll live every other week with my brother and then with their mom.

I am worried about her to. There is so much... things that she is doing strangely. She ain't fucking my brother over, don't worry. But there are other things that she does that ain't making sense. Sometimes I think she has... kinda lost herself, if you get what I mean? *shakes head*

My brother is absolutely heartbroken. They meet at school when they were both 16, and she is the love of my brothers life. Still is. And he loves his kids more then anything. He's a wonderful father all around. So this has really broken him down.

He is slowly dealing with everything that comes with a divorce, and we call each other several times a week.

The strange thing is, before all this? Me and my brother called each other about once a month. We talked about an hour when we did, but that was about it. So despite all the sad, I am... in a way... happy we've grown closer to each other again. He says I am his big support right now, despite living 2 hours away from him. I am happy I can be there for him, I really am. He is my baby brother, and I do hope he'll live through this and come out stronger on the other side.

Tough times indeed. At moments like these I am glad I got my fathers patience and steady temper and my mothers stubbornness and strength and both their bluntness and honesty. Seriously. My parents rocked/rocks.

Just had to get that off my chest... :-P

This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
kseenaa: (Default)
2012-11-14 01:04 am

A bully mom...

[livejournal.com profile] peting73 is off work this week since he has his birthday tomorrow (14th) so he is home with me and Alexandra. :-) It is wonderful getting some help with her and such. Not to mention just to have him home and him BEING there is great.

Tomorrow it is me making dinner, since he has his birthday and all. :-)

He has looked forward to this week to, since he has decided to come with me and Alexandra to the few activities we do during the week. He is very very involved with Alexandra, and we share as much as possible when it comes to caring for her. Didn't plan that, it just happened and worked for us.

Anyhow!

So today was the third meeting of that parenting group that I am sure I've mentioned... And dude... DUDE!

It's not so much the pink brigade thing that really starts to bother me, oh no...

It's one of the moms...

See, I got bad vibes from her at the first meeting. And she just keeps proving me right.

She is a bully and a know-it-all. I'll call her Bitch-mom. All the babies in the parenting group are the same age, sorta. Born from late July to early September. So is hers, but this is her third child. Off all off us it is her that has older kids, and one other mom that has one kid earlier. The rest of us, 6 more moms (including me), are first time mothers.

And EVERY SINGLE TIME, she has to point this out. That it is her third kid, so OF COURSE she knows what to do and how to do and OF COURSE she is right! And today really took the cake.

See, there's another mom coming to join us in the group, but she couldn't today, and since she got our emails she sent an email to tell us so (very nice of her!). I replyed all and Bitch-moms email showed as not working. OK, so I figued I'd ask her if I'd gotten it wrongly.

So I did today. She hardly acknowledged my existence, so I had to ask more then once... And before leaving today, I figured I'd aks the other moms what kind of baby carrier they use, since I haven't been that happy with my Baby Björn one and have done some internet-research... I am a internet-geek, so of coure I turn to the internet to do research... which she promptly shot down saying that doing that is stupid and one shouldn't trust everything one reads anyway, you know... Promptly hinting at me being an idiot, because you know... I have to be, not being a "normal" mom... Woman, I am not the only one wearing nail polish, but I guess since you have a french manicure done in a salon! Not to mention you buy new prams for all your kids and new toys and pretty clothes and go to pilates with your kids and....

GAH!

And the interesting thing is, the other moms? They just nod and agree and think she is the best thing ever on the planet and everything she says is gold... Typical yes-sayers... Except one. But she is just like me, sitting there since we sorta have to.

[livejournal.com profile] peting73s reaction when leaving: "Why hasn't anyone told her to shut the fuck up already? I am sorry you have to go there..." and gave me a hug. X-D

Oh well... Next meeting as at the lil library where I've worked the most and where I know all the librarians and they really like me... So fuck you! GAH!

Not many more meetings with this group, thankfully... The idea with these parenting groups at the Child Welfare Centers are that you are supposed to get connections so that you get to know other moms and your kids can play with one another as they grow up...

Yeah... No... Like that's ever going to happen...

We go to another activity, me and Alexandra, called Öppna Förskolan/Open Preschool where they have activites for kids 0-5 years old. :-) They even have special hours for kids 0-1 years old, so that's the time we usually go. I bet Alexandra and me will meet MUCH nicer parents and kids there... Just saying. :-P

Talking about kids...

How EPIC ain't this Halloween costume?!?!!! Geek-parent alert! :-D


"I WILL kick your ass! With cuteness..." (Clickable for slightly bigger...)

This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
kseenaa: (Default)
2012-05-10 11:58 pm

A much better day...

Feeling better today. :-) Thanx for the comments. It gave me the push I needed, really.

Have written an apologizing AND explaining message... and I think we're good. I didn't lose a friend, thank gawd. Phew... *wipes forehead* I would have hated to lose a friend over something stupid. Sure, if there is a serious disagreement or such, then de-friending and all that is the road to go. But when there was just... misunderstandings and other stupid shit. Then yeah... I would hate to lose a friend over that.

If I have ever friended you, I do it because I like YOU. And have an interest in YOU. So yeah. :- ) Just pointing that out to those I've friended.

So I haven't done much today at all. I've been playing World of Warcraft mostly. Some day I seriously need to make a post about the story I wrote for my two characters... I am sure a lot of people will be able to pick up where I got my inspiration. ;-) Got to play a little with my workmate that I've told about which was AWESOME! Now I am even more excited about getting my two boys up to maximum level at 85!!! Got both of them to level 68 today, so progress! MUCH progress! *happy about this*

Right. Think I'll go write a 100-things-post... Since I am feeling much better today. Time for a fanfic now, right? *ponders on which fandom*
kseenaa: (Default)
2012-05-10 01:07 am
Entry tags:

Sadness...

At the moment... I feel really sick to my stomach. I've not mentioned it, but there are... people on my flist who are hurting. Bad. More then one. And I fear it is my fault. I don't know. I honestly don't know. And I don't know what to do about it. :-/

I want to be able to express my opinion. But I don't want to hurt friends. Apparently I have. And I feel like SHIT! Geezes... I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless...

*holds head in hands*

I just... don't know what to do.... *sighs heavily*
kseenaa: (Default)
2012-05-08 01:22 am

A random post in the late evening...

Flash mob scenes always put a smile on my face. :-) And today I found one from Copenhagen, Denmark. This was really beautiful and just put a smile to my face. :-D I would love to ride that train, seriously.

Copenhagen Phil doing a flash mob in the Copenhagen Metro )

Anyone would get a smile from that.

And I needed it. So, so worried about quite a few of my LJ-friends. I honestly don't know what to do, and it... makes me feel so helpless. :-P Like it is my fault and I could do so much more and I... don't even know what. :-P

Apparently [livejournal.com profile] hexenhasel has deleted her LJ and her Twitter tonight (my time). :-/ Anyone know why? I hope she isn't in any trouble or anything... and that she'll be fine?

Gladly I had fun at work today though. Yes, I worked today. Four hours, so not so much but still. I usually don't take a coffe (/tea) break when I work so little, but some of my workmates told me I could need it, so I walked off to do so.

And ran right into my WoW-playing workmate. X-D

It is quite hilarious. We had lunch together a while ago her and I. She is.. between 55-60 in age somewhere. And I dont' remember how but we ended up talking computers and computer-games... and the fact I played World of Warcraft...

Apparently, so does she! AND! She is more off a nerd then me! X-D Her favorite class being rouge...

So today, when she came into the staff coffee room... she just pointed a finger at me and exclaimed: "I don't backstabb workmates!" prompting both of us to fall into giggles! MY GOODNESS!!! X-D Then we proceeded to geek out over WoW for a bit (and complain about all the immature kids in the game), before we had to go back to work!

Epicness! *lol*

So some sadness (a lot of it actually), and some awesome this day. I am hoping for a better day tomorrow. :-) *keeps fingers crossed for all her LJ-friends*
kseenaa: (TH Bill & Georg Fuck off by mariesen@imm)
2012-03-26 11:49 pm

Things that really REALLY annoy me!

You know... I really really like Twitter and Plurk and Tumblr. They are a lot of fun and an easy way to keep in contact with people and look at pretty pictures. And that is why I joined them. :-)

BUT! And here is the part I am annoyed with. There are a lot of those retweet/replurk/repost this that or this... or you are a bad person. Because there are people starving! Getting killed! Animals are abused! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!!

Yeah. I know. I FUCKING KNOW, ALRIGHT! I see it on the news and on the headlines. News flash. It is what the world looks like today. Geezes... And stop guilt-tripping people to retweet/replurk/repost whatever it is you want to save right THIS MINUTE!!! It just pisses me off. I am sorry, but it does. *growl* Does that mean I don't give a fuck because I don't retweet/replurk/repost your tweet/plurk/post? NO! It doesn't. Try getting that into your head, general you.

And for GAWDS sake! If you don't like a service, stop complaining. And if the only thing you can say about a fandom is negative, then why are you in said fandom? No really? And now people will feel I am aiming at them, and I am not. I have seen this in ALL the fandoms I am in. RoS, Xena, Buffy, Pirates, Tokio Hotel. I mean, WHY? Seriously? *shakes head* It makes me wonder....

You know why I am involving myself in a fandom? Whatever fandom it is? To relax. To look at pretty pictures. To read fanfic. To get to know people who like the same things I like. You know why I am on Twitter/Plurk/Tumblr? To relax. To look at pretty pictures. To connect to even more people with the same interests as me.

I did NOT join them for negativity and to see the same thing I see on the news every single day.

*sigh*

Sorry for the rant, but I just had to get that off my chest. It has annoyed me for quite some time now....

*tries to find her way back to her happy place*

Gothic fae...
kseenaa: (TH Bill & geisha by invicta)
2011-09-14 12:34 am

The blond hairgate of Bill Kaulitz...

Aaaaaaaand the Tokio Hotel fandom exploded. X-D Man, I am mostly amused by the fans then the boys themselfs. They just do their own thing and don't give a fuck. :-) Especially Bill Kaulitz. Now, Bill ain't my favorite in the band at all, but man... I do respect him for just not giving a shit and doing his thing. :-) Huge, huge props for that.

So to those not in the fandom, have a comparison, yeah? Because I am hella amused by the fandoms reaction to it all. :-D

(All pics are clickable for bigger.)

Now this is the look Bill Kaulitz is the most infamous for, isn't it? :-) Monsoon days, ah yes...



Well. He and his twin Tom lives in LA, USA these days. And they were caught the other night by paparazzi. Really recently apparently, since the photos was just posted today. :-) And the reactions to Bills new style in the fandom? Well... Let's just say I am amused. :-)



Thanx [livejournal.com profile] th_apex for posting them photos.... I can only chuckle at the Bill-fans that are all up in arms over his new look... *shakes head* I guess I am to old and have been in too many fandoms... Either that or I have a loot of geese in my family, because it just rolls off me. :-)

ANYWAY! :-D

Gonna write a more proper post tomorrow. :-)

Painting the roses red...
kseenaa: (TH Tom & Georg Rocking out on stage by t)
2010-03-03 08:05 pm

Work! And interesting documentaries...

Apparently I am supposed to work tomorrow... o.O I guess they couldn't stand being without me any longer! *LOL* X-D Seriously though, it feels great to be missed. :-) So, I'll be working between 12:45-16:15. That tiny library is only open those hours, and the librarian there, my ex-boss, has a meeting she has to go to, so they had to call in someone extra. Go me! :-D As long as the kids don't go totally insane, I'll be fine. :-) (Insane kids are always a risk on Thursdays though...)

Today I have spent colouring my hair, taking care of the laundry and doing some ironing. :-) Being very house-wifey, yes. :-P But it was needed, so there. :-) I also started to watch this really long documentary series that [livejournal.com profile] peting73 has bought. He is VERY interested in WWII history. And for a couple of years, he has talked about this epic documentary series from the 70s or 80s that is really long and covers both the why the war started and what happened afterwards... So, when he found it not to long ago, he bought it. :-) I have now watched the first two episodes, and I must say... It is really really good... You can see it is done during the 70's, for sure, but that is OK, because the interviews are with people that were actually there during the war... Very interesting stuff. And it is narrated by Sir Laurence Olivier. Win in and of it self. The series is called The World at War. If you can get your hands on it. Grab it and watch it, that is all.

Also, it seems like the LARP is up in arms for the coming annual general meeting. :-P There is whining, discussions (about silly things, really) and just... GUH! To much, people! Give it a rest. Enough is enough. I am considering leaving the board right now, but I don't know if that is such a good idea either. Oh, I just don't know what to do. I hope all the things needed to discuss and vent will be left alone until Saturday.... Only a few days left, people! Please, give it a rest until then, eh? :-P

Only a few days left until the Tokio Hotel concert to!!! YAY! Friday! Soon here! WOOT!

Tigerbutterfly....
kseenaa: (Xena Ares the Devil BY absolutelybatty@r)
2009-11-28 12:24 am

Gawd, I am such an old, old crazy bitch...

You know... Sometimes I feel really old. In two days time even. One thing made me laugh at what a silly old woman I am. And the other just made groan and wish people could just grow the fuck up...

Lets start with the bad one, shall we?

Well. You know I am the secretary at the board of the LARP society? Well. Being a member off the board means you have to do stuff for the society. On your spare time. Right? Right. Some people apparently don't realize that LARPers to have a life and jobs to take care off... ANYWAY! When I was in the kitchen making a cake, I hear [livejournal.com profile] peting73 start to swear in the computer room... Apparently someone from the place where the LARP rent rooms to play in had tried to get a hold off the board today. During business hours. When we all were either at work or at school. (He didn't leave a message on our answering machine or call our mobile-numbers that we clearly give in the message in the machine...) Giving up he had finally found another member off the LARP, telling him a lot of complaints about the LARP and telling him he don't want our president as a contact anymore, not giving a reason. He then continued to post this information on a public board where all LARP members can read. Phrasing it such that it read like our president sucks. Then all hell broke lose. And me and [livejournal.com profile] peting73 had to spend some time calling around first to see if the complaints the society got was justified (one where, the rest not so much). Then I called our president, who also is a good friend off both me and [livejournal.com profile] peting73 asking him if he was OK. He was so pissed off he could hardly see straight. Then I called the guy posting and gave him a piece of both mine and [livejournal.com profile] peting73s mind, how not so very clever that move was... He apologized and said hadn't meant to phrase it as such. Bad luck, bub. You already did. So now on Monday I have to call the person taking care off the rooms we rent and clear out this fucking mess. Then me and [livejournal.com profile] peting73 will be the contacts after that. Maybe they'll be happier with us, since we are quite a bit older then the others in the LARP-society...?

Seriously... Grow the fuck up! *groan*

And then to the fun "lets-show-how-old-KSena-is..."

To save a bit at least on our phone bills me and [livejournal.com profile] spicehobbit have taken to chatting on MSN instead. ;-) Trust me, when we get going on the phone, we can talk for hoooouuuurs... X-D Anyway, she told me the other day she'd been out shopping at a music store in town. Quite a few in line, and when [livejournal.com profile] spicehobbit was done and getting her things together, the next in line, a really young girl no older then 12, asked the guy at the desk if they had any Tokio Hotel albums... Naturally she told me this and telling me I was in good company...

X-D

Right. Were is my cane and walking frame? I have kids asses to kick!

Black glasses...
kseenaa: (TH Bill smells the bullshit by teufel@st)
2009-11-04 08:44 pm
Entry tags:

Why the drama?!??!

No seriously.... Why so much drama in the blinkie-world on LJ? I am confused. Can someone explain this to me? It seems it is time to make a huge sweep among my community list. Again. Especially among the blinkie-communities. I am so sick off all the drama going down there now. Also, a good advice. Be honest. If your not, someone is bound to find out. *sigh*

Right. At least I wasn't the only one having a bad day. [livejournal.com profile] spicehobbit was here for a quick visit to pick up her PartyLite stuff, and she had had the day from Hades. X-D *pats the spicy one* You'll have a better day tomorrow, sis. ;-)

Have started poking around to see if I can stay on my trainee job for another three months. Things have gone amazingly well, and I feel like I am actually off a lot of help to the other librarians. :-) I am learning to use my skills, peeps! Scary. *laugh*

I also have gotten hold off a song by Tokio Hotel called Thema Nr. 1 [Demo 2003]... If it is, they were 13, 14 and 15 when recording it. Going by Bill's voice, yes, he is that young. But it is an amazingly professional song. But it reminds me a bit off ABC by Anna Book in the refrain, for anyone that remembers that one, only counting instead... *laugh* I don't know if I should cry or laugh at this. *feels old* Just... wanted to ponder that one. More fun then to write about dramas anyway. :-P

Soon time for True Blood! Wee!

Angry puppy...
kseenaa: (Default)
2008-11-07 09:07 pm

And LJ did it again...

Pissing off most of there users, that is. Anyone noted how there Userinfo look nowadays? Not an improvement? I couldn't agree more. *shakes head* Looks butt ugly, and not user-friendly at all. To cluttered. Stuff at top that should be at bottom, etc, etc... I could go on. If you dislike it to, I suggest you join the community [livejournal.com profile] changeitback. Perhaps there are someone out there that like this new change, and that is fine. But give us who don't like it an opt out for it so we don't HAVE to use it. You know? It is just a head-count-community, so no postings in it. There is also a Petition to sign that apparently is going to be sent to the LJ-team.

Well, what would life be around here if there weren't an LJ drama now and then, hmm? :-P

It is still boring silly at work. It is very clear it is a financial crisis going on. No one books conferances anymore. Meaning less rooms booked. Less calls. No business men on the road... No rooms booked. Less calls... Etc, etc... My job is encouraging people to take some days off or leave work early (if we do we get less payed)... Same thing at [livejournal.com profile] peting73s work. Feels... less then fun. He has lots of vacation-days to use, I only have two left. So I am going to use them next week to prepare for [livejournal.com profile] peting73s birthday and also, of course, to play World of Warcraft since the expansion is released REALLY soon!

[livejournal.com profile] peting73 and his friends (all computer-savy that I trust my lovely computer with) found a really neat and easy to use anti-virus program. the Home Edition is for free use, you want a Professional Editon you have to pay. Clever sales pitch... Anyway, I love this new thing! I highly suggest you check it out at least!

Avast! Antivirus Protection

Yes, I was amused with the name to! X-D It is, however very good. ;-)

Another tip for all you music-lovers out there that I found today is... Musicovery! Such a cool thing to use to listen to music... for free! And it picks music depending on your mood! Really fun to play around with. I highly suggest you try it out.

I also changed back to another layout today, I have used before. Found more GORGEOUS stock-headers I wanted to use. :-) Not enough femme-slash out there, just saying... ;-)

Tomorrow LARP! Yay! More inspiration for my story about Rose! :-D Finished off Chapter 5 the other day. It got LONG! o.O And some other chapters are short... :-P It all depends on how much stuff happens in the LARP... And how much it would be logical that the main character, Camilla, would know about. Servents don't find out EVERYTHING after all. ;-D
kseenaa: (Rose made by bases_by_maggie)
2007-07-24 09:49 pm
Entry tags:

An apology for [livejournal.com profile] silvestris

I know you find me rude and an asshole for talking down on your birthday rally for the environment. I am sorry for that. It is just... talk like that? It makes me... well. Lets give an example. Al Gore? He is not preaching. Thomas Di Leva? He is preaching (also thinks he is Jesus reborn, but hey...). When I see Thomas Di Leva on the TV, I either laugh my ass off or change the channel or I leave the room. I got... a bit Thomas Di Leva feel from your posts. I know we need to help each other. I know. I know we need to help the planet. I know. I will continue doing my small part, even if it is not a big part as you might have wanted it to be. But me? I think it is to late. The planet might not die in a 100 years yet or a 1000 even, but it will. It will. You really don't fuck with Mother Nature for this long, without her fucking you back. I am sorry if my views hurt you.
kseenaa: (NotGiveAShit(Faith)madebyjinxed_icons)
2006-10-17 10:34 pm
Entry tags:

Yet another LJ-war...

And I am a bit thorn... Surfed over my flist and found a warning in [livejournal.com profile] darker_spike about a community stealing icons, or so it said in the post. I got curious and surfed over. And geez all hell.... *sigh* Flame-war anyone? Oh and drama to? Not to mention it has spread over my f-list like wild-fire. And my problem is that I agree with both sides. Since what the owner of the community does is, he has written a program that uses the public picture feed that LiveJournal has. Meaning, all your pictures on your LJ can be found very easily with a simple search, with no way of knowing who made it. Meaning, no credit to you. When it comes to icons and such, well... The images used to do them are probably copyrighted already to someone else, but still... It gives a bad taste, even if it is not breaking any rules. But to those that actually have copyrighted stuff on there LJ (I am looking at you now, [livejournal.com profile] croaky,[livejournal.com profile] anla and [livejournal.com profile] silvestris) there is a simple way of stopping your pictures from showing in the public picture feed. I have done it, and I don't even have anything on here that is copyrighted to me.

If you don't want your public images and your public posts to show up in latest.bml, latest-rss.bml, and latest-img.bml, go to http://www.livejournal.com/admin/console/ and enter:

set latest_optout yes

then click the "Execute" button. If you want to change this later, it's simply:

set latest_optout no

To tell LJ what you think of the feed 'features' visit http://www.livejournal.com/feedback/

(Thanx [livejournal.com profile] genkitty for letting me know how to do it.)

This war is so silly, it is not even funny. One side says they are right, and the other side says they are right. Not to mention all the name calling being thrown all over the place. Me? Well, I just don't care about it, since it is such a huge grey-area. And yes, it is the icon-makers and manip-makers that are screaming the loudest. The once who's work are in the deepest of grey-areas. Yes, I always credit if I can find the person that has done the icon or a manip, since I think it is a nice thing to do. But those who don't are no villians. Really. *sigh*

Time to go kill dragons in WoW I think...

Edit: As always the all wonderful, and nifty wonder that is [livejournal.com profile] japeweird has done a much better post about the matter, stating what to do, why the LJ-war, and.... Lots more information. I so love this woman. Here is her post about the matter:
Japeweird on the matter of bandwidth, icon-stealing and the like...
I HIGHLY recommend you reading her post if you are worried about the matter.
kseenaa: (FouriousCallisto madeby pegasusuroborus)
2006-06-21 12:39 pm
Entry tags:

And the drama continues...

Just checked my old rpg community, and oh my the drama continues. Not to mention that the mod is blaming me, when in fact she asked me to do what I did. Wohoo. That is bloody mature. *shakes head* And I can't help but be pissed off at it to. *angry at self* And the best part of it all is that she kicked me out of the comm so I can't defend myself. *growl*