KSena's Journal

Sometimes... sometimes you need to take a bit of a step back, right? I did that the other day on social media. On LJ and DW I've done several clean ups, so it wasn't needed here. But on Twitter and Instagram, it was getting a bit ridiculous. I was following way to many accounts/people, so I had to do a serious clean up.

I mean, online stuff and social media should be for fun, right? Well, combined with the stress of work and everything else, it just added to the stress. So hence the clean up.

Work is really stressful at the end of the school term. Last day of school is on the 15th of June next week. And this whole month or a bit more actually, has been SO hectic with everything that I need to do with the kids and teens at the school. Classes I need to hold and information I need to spread. I have made it, if just, but I did. I am getting WAY way better at planning than I was when I started this work. And I feel more confidant in my role as a school librarian to, which I think has a thing to do with it to. I dare more to demand things and push more for activities I need to do. You know?

It helps, of course, that I've been allowed to go to TWO educations on the University here that my employment payed for. And it was during working hours (sort of), so that was cool!

At home it's been a bit much to, so this term I have gone down to work 7 hours a day instead of 8. It has done WONDERS for both me and Alexandra to be honest. It's just one hour a day, so it doesn't effect my paycheck that much, but it does make sure I feel less stressed and less guilty each day. :-) Win-win!

Also, it's that time of year to. The dreaded Midsummer time.

For those that have been around a while, I dread Midsummer each year. Last time I was so down I am sure I showed quite a few signs of depression.

My beloved Mr P, or Peting, has a friend who USED TO BE his best friend that he goes to visit during Midsummer each year. To him and his friend Midsummer is no big deal. It's just a few days extra off work and a reason to have a small party. So that's what they've been doing ever since I got to know them. Even after he got married and moved 8 hours away from here.

His wife was... special to say the least. I don't use the word lightly, but hysteric is a word that would actually fit her. I've visited there a few times. Last time was when Alexandra was a year. I was not doing good during that visit, let me tell you. Even worse than last year. After that, Mr P went all by himself.

But that meant, he wasn't with us. No big deal, to him. But big deal to me. Because when I grew up Midsummer was a family thing. My aunt has always and still do have this HUGE Midsummer Party the day before Midsummer Eve. Where ALL of my huge crazy extended family go to. These days were about 25-30 people there. (Including spouses and kids.) And when I grew up on Midsummer Eve, we had a smaller gathering at home. And on Midsummer Day the family went to a traditional feast area to dance and hang out.

All family things. Mr P didn't do anything like that, and I guess is not used to it. But him not being with us has effected Midsummer badly for me.

This year though, his friend, who really hasn't acted like a friend ever since he got married to that woman all those years ago, hasn't talked to him all this year. Last year I think he called twice. On his own birthday and then once more to invite Mr P to come for Midsummer. This year he did neither. Probably since he's gotten divorced and has no area to be at for any Midsummer party.

I'm sad for Mr P, he has last what he thought was his best friend. I can't help but feel happy though, because that means he'll be spending time with us. And I need that, I think. I need that very much.

We've been together since 2003 now. And sure, we've had our ups and downs. None of us are perfect. But dammit, he is mine and I am his. And want to be with him and kiddo when there's holidays and shit.

*sigh*

I guess some of the Midsummer blues has set in. :-P Even if I do look forward to it to. I'll get to visit mom, spend some really good time with her, and I do svery much look forward to that. She has retired now, 65 years old, and has taken on the project of clearing out stuff from her house. I'm actually curious to so what she's done!

Anyhow. Over and out! We'll see when I poke my head in here again. :-) Hopefully it won't take quite as long until next time. I do feel better after writing this!

This entry is cross posted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.

We had a little birthday party for Peting's aunt's husband. And, of course, his cousin was there. She's gotten diabetes not that long ago, and of course has had to stop eat anything sweet. And she has done really well with that, she’s even stopped eating nearly all carbohydrates! So, she’s being good, which keeps her diabetes under control! So yay!

But, and this is what bothers me somewhat. As soon as we meet up with Peting’s relatives it’s all talk about sugar and carbs and how bad it is, but still there’s carb and sugar in the birthday food. So I eat it, but feel scrutinized and commented on the whole time, even if they don’t say it to me. They just discuss how bad it is with carbs and sugar.

It just makes me feel quite uncomfortable. And when I hinted at it, my MIL just said that I’m the healthy one since I can eat it without being sick. Really? I don’t feel healthy or even comfortable when they talk about it every time we meet up all of us. :-/

I hope it won’t be like that on Saturday when we celebrate Peting's birthday. It’ll be my brother there to and his kids, so I hope that will distract from this constant subject. *sigh*

This entry is cross posted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.

If you remember I didn't do that good before Midsummer. And in the end, that might have been a blessing in disguise. Which sounds weird as fuck, but hear me out here.

I was still down and a bit out of it during packing in the morning, to the point I almost pissed Peting off, because he figured I could try to see something good with the trip. And I did!! I did! Meeting my huge insane extended family is GOLD! It was what kept me going, to meet them all at my aunts as she holds her annual Midsummer party the day before Midsummer Eve.

So, once we packed (which actually went surprisingly well... very surprising!), we were on our way to meet up with my aunt and her family. One of my cousins are still globetrotting, which she's done for years, but her two siblings would be there. Those three cousins are the closest to me of all my relatives. We grew up as siblings almost, since our mothers are so close.

We hung out with my aunts husband (totally awesome!) and one of my cousins until my aunt got off work. Then we just hung out, talked and helped her. Alexandra charmed everyone that saw her, as par usual, even if she was very shy at first. Also normal. Peting left early, since he had an 8 hour drive to do from my aunts to his friend further north in the country.

Which is part of what stressed me out and left me feel totally out if it. Because now we're basically dumped at my aunts. I didn't know when my mom was going to show, and I knew she just wanted us to drive her to the next party with her gentleman caller and then we'd be abandoned at her home for Midsummer Eve. Just me and Alexandra. By ourselves. During a holiday usually celebrated with family. (Unless you are a teen or of drinking age, then you just get drunk.)

Either way, it felt really depressing and stressful. My aunt hugged me lots and kept saying her sister was insane that she didn't want to hang out with me and Alexandra on Midsummer Eve when we so rarely get to go to visit her.

A bit past 8pm Alexandra was starting to whine that she was tired and wanted to leave and go to bed. She was being very good and had stayed up more than an hour past her normal bedtime, so totally understandable. I had a ton of packing, so I asked my aunt, cousin and some more relatives to help me carry my stuff to mom's car, since she'd arrived an hour or so earlier.

And then it started. How I was supposed to drive her and her gentleman caller here and there BEFORE I could go home to moms and put me and Alexandra to bed and the things there was in the fridge for us to eat, classical Midsummer food, and this and that and I just...

I lost it a bit. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I did. So mom and aunt and one of my second cousins (that I adore) saw and heard.

Everyone hugged me and helped me and all was good. I drove off, just me and Alexandra. She was sooo tired, but was doing good and even though I said she could sleep in the car, she didn't. The phone went off twice during the drive, but I couldn't answer and drive at the same time during the evening, so I figured I'd see who it was once Alexandra was in bed.

She did great, went to bed at mom's feel asleep and all, after almost an hour (!), but that was expected when not being in her own bed.

Checking my phone while unpacking the car (headphones is the shit), it was mom that had called and texted me. She was upset I was upset and all... and when I called her she said she'd cancelled her plans with her gentleman caller so she could be with me and Alexandra.

I felt bad about that, guilty that she cancelled her plans. I had her car, but some relatives drove her home. We hugged and talked and it was all good.

We ended up having a GREAT Midsummer Eve! Probably the best one I've had in a couple of years. Ever since Peting started to go visiting his friend by himself, I'd say. I kept feeling guilty about ruining mom's plans, but it faded eventually.

My aunt and her husband came over to, and we had SUCH a good time! We really really did! Mom told me she had such a great time to, and I believe her! I could tell she wasn't just saying that.

We ended up staying with mom for a whole week! :-D Midsummer Eve and Midsummer Day just me and Alexandra. Peting joined us late late Midsummer Day. The day after that my brother dropped off his kids, and they stayed there as well for the rest of the week. FULL HOUSE! *LOL* It was great. :-D It really was. Alexandra had a blast the whole time. There was much giggling to be heard every night when them three kids was going to sleep. *LOL*

And I managed to relax to! Me, who am always stressing over one thing or another managed to STOP doing that and just... relax and hanging out with the kids. It was GREAT!

We took it easy at mom's, went to the public pool, cooked and baked together... It was WONDERFUL! I could see mom had a blast to being surrounded by all three of her grandkids at the same time, which is pretty rare.

So that whole trip ended up amazing, even if it had a very rocky start. :-)

On Sunday snowstormskies is coming here for her, by this point, annual visit! I think it's the fourth time she visits, unless I've lost count. *lol* We don't have any huge plans. Just to hang out, visit mom and go to Karlsborg's fortress. Going to be nice, I think! :-D

This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.