Profile

kseenaa: (Default)
KSena

July 2018

S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22 232425262728
2930 31    

This is KSena

Usually a friendly sort. Be nice to me, and I am nice to you. Here I ramble on about me, life, work and fandoms. I am a fan of Robin of Sherwood, Xena: Warrior Princess, Buffy: the Vampire Slayer, Pirates of the Caribbean, Tokio Hotel and Sons of Anarchy. I don't apologize for anything I write here. This is my mind. And you entered it. Welcome.

Visits:
free hit counter
And here I thought I’d have energy enough to actually update my LJ. Apparently not. *sigh*

And I’ll tell you exactly why I haven’t had any energy and why I’ve been so absent. :-P

So I got a new job, right? Started in April. And to start with it all felt good. Yeah, so I worked ten hours on Mondays, 8am to 6:15pm. And three hours one Saturday a month. But that was fine, because the rest was OK.

But that was because my predecessor had finished off as much as possible.

Then summer came and went, and you all know how busy I was then. All good stuff, but rest? I had none.

And to make matters worse the night between Sunday and Monday, the day before work, Alexandra decided to have a grand performance. And stayed up from 00:30am to 5am. Which left me with only two hours of sleep, and [livejournal.com profile] peting73 only three. Night before going back to work. And my first day? Ten hours.

I was not all there, let me tell you…

And the first thing we did, boss and I, after the Monday meeting was to plan all months from August until December with all the dates and hours I was to be at all them schools.

Oh, and to make it even more brilliant. Instead of being responsible for 6 schools, like my predecessor, I am responsible for 8 schools.

Great.

And once we were done planning and I saw my schedule, I panicked. No joke. Yeah, sure. I only do activities ONCE in each class on all them schools. But that’s 8 schools, people!!! Whatever I do, I have to do it AT LEAST 8 times, most likely more. Ugh.

One thing stressed me out the more, and that’s the activity called “booktalks”. What you do then is you bring a pile of books to the class you visit and you talk about the books, what they’re about and why they are so great and why you should read them and why it’s important to read. Basically. Which also means… You have to read a couple of them books….

Yeah…

I have booktalks for grade 3, 4, 5 and 6. In each school. That’s a lot of books. And a lot of books that I’m supposed to read. Cue stressed out. Thank heavens awesome boss helped me find suitable books for each class and dividing them up between schools and classes.

I refuse to do work when I’m not at work, which means I somehow have to find time to read books when I’m at work. Not easy, near impossible. And when I don’t feel like reading, it’s really hard. Even if it is my job.

And to make matters even more fun, during all of August and much of September, much of my time was consumed by the feast given to those kids who managed the challenge The Summer Book Club where they had to read at least 6 books during the summer. As a reward they got a feast. And since I’m a school librarian, I was involved in arranging this feast. And since I’m the newest hired, my other two colleagues took most of the responsibility. My job was to keep in touch with the magician that we’d hired (no problem! cool guy!) and to keep in touch with the janitor off the premise we’d hired (hard to catch on phone, but then no problem).

So no problem, right? Wrong.

See, one of my colleagues are badly burnt out. No kidding. And during this time it got painfully obvious. She barely managed to do what she had on her plate. And me and my other colleague had to remind her constantly.

My other colleague? She quite. She got another job, and then was just gone. Within a week. Boss knew about it, but shit. Not a good timing. Now it was just me and burnt out colleague. And she is incapable of taking any responsibility.

So I ended up responsible for the whole thing.

I did not have fun. Thank heavens I’ve been responsible for crazy shit when I was active in the Sexmasters* at the Student Union Pub, just saying! Because I channeled my wicked Sexmaster personality and turned boss of hell on her ass… *grump* If I hadn’t, things would not have ended up well. Colleague that had quite was there anyway, because the kids knew her and missed her. But she had no clue what to do either. Only me.

I don’t know how, but the party ended up a success. Much thanks to the magician Reggie Simon, I believe. BRILLIANT man! And an american that has moved to Sweden, so I got a bit nostalgic there. :-)

But to say I was a wreck when I came home that night would be an understatement.

So did it calm down after that? No. Hell no. Well, workload yes. A bit. I’ve gotten more comfortable with my job and I am starting to feel that I actually know my shit, unlike panicking all the time which I did during the entire time of August.

BUT! Burnt out colleague… Ho boy… While I got all the schools on the countryside here, she got all the daycare centers. And the responsibility for the art showroom the library have.

And she can’t do it. I’ve seen some of the stuff she’s sent out to parents and employees and newspapers and I’m just… It’s beyond unprofessional, and that’s coming from ME that really is not very professional to start with.

She forgets information to the artists that shows their art in the art showroom (which forced me to stay one HOUR longer than I should have the other night so I could fix that). She sends the wrong information to the newspapers. She forgets when she’s supposed to be at work. She sends what time of day she’s to visit daycare centers, but not what date… She puts books in the wrong place. She loses books. She promises patrons, daycare centers and schools things she shouldn’t, since she can’t do whatever it is and the rest of us don’t have time to.

It’s just one thing after another. Unending. And who gets to clean up her mess? Me and my other awesome colleague and my awesome boss. I’ve worked here since April, and the longer I’m here the more shit I see that she’s made a total mess off. My awesome colleague has been here for 10 years (older rocker guy with nearly no filter, I love working with him) and is so feed up with everything it’s not even funny. And my boss, who hasn’t been here quite as long (and really got no filter either while being an awesome leader, I love working with her to), is so stressed out I fear she’ll burn out badly to…

It’s just an extremely bad situation all around.

We’ve tried to contain it so the patrons won’t notice too much. But now it has becoming harder and harder to do so. Burnt out colleague has some hours in the information desk, but she can’t even do that these days, since the patrons flat out says she’s to confused and they don’t feel they get the help they want.

It’s annoying, stressful, frustrating and beyond all, sad. So fucking sad.

Because burnt out colleague? She was my boss on my very first library job I got at a school library. And back then she was in total control even though she worked way to hard and way to long hours. And we had SUCH a good time working together then, and she taught me so much.

Just to end up like this. It’s so heartbreakingly sad to see in the midst of the stress and frustration.

Anyway, so yeah… That would be the reason why I’ve been absent. I’m just stressed out as fuck, and try to hang on and concentrate on my job with 8 schools and the bookvan once a week.

I have this job until December 31st, so I’m hanging on until then. Not sure I want to keep this job if I’m offered, to be quite honest…




*Still got NOTHING to do with sex. To sexa is an old swedish word that means to party. So it basically stands for partymasters with a bit of an innadu.

This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
Oh gawd. Where to even begin with this clusterfuck of insanity that went down this weekend? Let’s see if I can. And, unless they are too personal, I will try and answer any questions in the comments.

This might be a little bit triggering, so a little warning for that.

Remember my friend that committed suicide? That I’ve mourned since July? Well. Turns out, she never did. She’s not dead.

I found this out Friday. A DM on Twitter was sent to me with a link to an LJ-post where this person had dug out the truth about the fact that my friend had faked her own suicide.

At that point, I wasn’t sure, since my friend and her had their on and off friendship, and they were on and off enemies. So I couldn’t be sure of anything at that point. I was, however, hurt to see myself being discussed in the comments. (Just to later see that the frienenimy had made a post where I was discussed…)

Because, like it or not… I did like my friend. We had a lot of fun together. I supported her through anxiety attacks, talked her out of it when her paranoia went highwire, we talked about her kid and mine, she supported me when I went through IVF to get Alexandra, we roleplayed (so much!), we fangirled, we sent letters and photos to each other, christmas-cards, birthday cards… We had a lot of fun! And it wasn’t just through chatt, we talked through Skype and called each other on the phone to.

And I was my crazy honest blunt person with her to. Wasn’t like I walked around on eggshells when talking to her, if anyone would believe that. Still, she said herself that she saw me as her best friend. She liked my honesty and bluntness and often asked for it to.

Anyway, so after I’d seen that LJ-post, I got an email. From my friend. Just a few mins after I’d read that LJ-post (and commented on it). Two emails even. And second later, a message on my IM. Just to hit the shock home, or I don’t even know.

In these emails she tried to explain why she did it. And there’s just… too much that don’t add up. And reading between the lines, which I have gotten quite good at, I can see that she don’t wanna lose me as a friend.

I just… I can’t even. How? How can I even trust her after such a thing? I feel that I don’t even know her anymore. Four years. I stood up for her, supported her, helped her for four years. And she just threw that in my face like it was worth nothing. Nothing at all.

So how come then she went through such extremes?

I have no idea. I have two sides of the story, the frienimy (friends sometimes, enemy sometimes) and hers. And to be frank, even though I don’t trust much of what my previous friend wrote me, there’s much that don’t add up from her frienemimes posts either.

And to be honest, I really don’t care. Can’t say I want anything to do with either of them.

I am so incredibly hurt right now. I don’t think I’ve been this hurt since I don’t even know when. I feel both used and abused.

I just want to curl up in a corner and hide.

Can’t have that though. The warrior viking just fights on. No stopping life from moving is it?


This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
Alright. Gonna do this fandom meme that I've seen floating around, even if I am somewhat late to join in, but what the helll...

1. What's the worst fanfic you've ever written/have thought about writing?

I'm not a writer, never considered myself one. I do, however, have a Prompt-document where I collect ideas/bunnies or whatever you wanna call it. I sometimes throw them at writers I know or most often than not at various fests. And there are some of them that are... Pretty crazy. *lol* They'll never be written, most likely, but yes. There are some nuts stuff there. Especially when I stumble upon websites or links and then my mind starts working. I'll show two as examples:

42. Any pairing (NO twincest!)

There is surfing on the internet. There is living on two sides of the ocean. There are travels. There is boredom. There is times when one is so horny it hurts and your significant other is far away. Good thing then, eh, that technology has done some serious leaps and bounds in this day and age! Because with a little help from LovePalz, distance is no longer a problem…

LovePalz with commentary (feel free to take inspiration!): http://kseenaa.tumblr.com/post/46293135556/nanibgal-goddessofcheese-psdo-wugs


LovePalz website so you know it is all true. :-)
https://www.lovepalz.com/

43. Gustav/Anyone

Gustav has a sister. A sister that loves teasing the hell out of her little brother when she gets the chance. So when she stumbles upon these… she sends the link to her brother, who of course tell her to go fuck off… but secretly keeps the link and buys a pair… Because really… It’s just too brilliant. And his significant other has NO complaints after an evening playing around with these! In fact, he wants a chance to use them to…

Vibrating drumsticks…: http://www.shopinprivate.com/phil-varone-sex-stix.html


Seriously, Internet? What do you DO to my brain?

2. Admit to a kink you're ashamed you like.

I am not ashamed per say about any kinks, really. But the one that is most rarely written and one can get some raised eyebrows at... is daddy-kink. And I really really love that. Also, I have a HUGE thing for darkfic with gore and all the trimmings, and that... can cause a few raised eyebrows as well. Especially since I can NOT watch horror-movies without getting nightmares. I know. Makes no sense what so ever.

3. Copy paste a line from the first smutty fanfic you wrote or fess up to a sexual fantasy you have about a character.

I don't write. I only cheat a little in drabbles. And I do a lot of RP where there's smut galore. But fic-wise? Well... Let's see if I can find a drabble that has smut in it. An early one. And, of course, the first drabble with smut in it is a dark one. And a crossover one, True Blood/Tokio Hotel.

Throwing the boy over his desk, Eric squeezed himself before pulling the boys shorts down... Those fucking eyes always got to him... Can’t have that. And he had such a nice body... A strong body. He would probably last longer than most... Not caring about preparing him, Eric pushed in... It always got a sound out of him, and he wanted to hear him...

“Gah! Oh gawd... SHIT! Ah... Fuck...”

And there it was... Eric smirked a bit, smelling the boys blood in the air... Leaning over him, he licked his neck, feeling the pulse thrum hard under the thin skin... Biting his neck next to an old scar, Eric could feel how the boy got more frantic under him, the pain more or less forgotten... mixed with pleasure now... Such sweet delicious blood... Tinged with pain, fear and pleasure... Just the right mix.

“No... Yes... Geezes, PLEASE!!!”

Not even touching him, Eric just let go of the wound and whispered in the boys ear. “Come.” And he did. Hard. Marking his desk. Again. The way his warm body clutched around him, more or less pulled Erics own orgasm out of him... And he filled the boys bleeding ass silently, nearly pushing both boy and desk across the room...


Shut up.

4. Have you ever read or written RPS/RPF?

I'd say Tokio Hotel counts. It's the only fandom where I've read RPS.

5. Most shameful ship?

I'm not ashamed of any ship I've enjoyed reading. I usually go for the rare or odd ones.

6. Ever been at the center of fandom drama?

Yeah, or at least RP-drama. Big community of players in the Buffyfandom when there was a lot of RP going on in said fandom. Was part of a whole community of players then. Mod asked for help from me. Then blamed all the problems in the game on me. All other roleplayers believed her. Things were hell for awhile and I didn't do any RP for... at LEAST 6 months or so. Not to fun, no.

7. What is your fandom guilty pleasure?

I have no idea what they mean here... Guilty pleasure? Roleplaying as a gay man maybe? I don't know...

If you have a better idea, let me know what I could answer here... Really. Suggestions are welcome.

8. Share something you did in fandom that you're embarrassed about.

I bashed another fandom without meaning to once. To me, it felt like I was drowning and got said fandom pushed at me all the time. "Like this!" "You have to like that!" "You gotta see this!" And it got to much for me and I kicked back just to get people to stop already. It wasn't very nice of me, I know. But hey... Live and learn, I guess.

9. Describe the first time you read a smutty fanfic. What ship was it and what kinks were involved?

A long time ago. And not even in Sweden. It was during my time in the US that I discovered the Xena-fandom and started reading fanfic. I can't pinpoint exact day and fic, but... I am 100% sure it was Xena/Gabrielle. I think there was bondage and whips involved. (It's Xena, come on...) And maybe some voyeurism as well, not 100% sure. So I started my fanfic-reading career with femme-slash.

10. Any fandoms you'd hate to admit you were a part of?

Nope. Not ashamed of any of them. Have a list:

Robin of Sherwood, Xena the Warriorprincess, Buffy the Vamprieslayer, Pirates of the Caribbean, Tokio Hotel, Sons of Anarchy...

11. Just how often do you think about your favorite characters getting down and dirty?

Considering I usually roleplay my favorite characters in smutty (more or less... most often then not more...) settings... You don't even wanna know.

12. Someone found your delicious account/bookmarks/AO3 account or however you keep track of your favorite fics. What's the one fic you're going to be most humiliated about?

Probably some daddy-kink fic... or the one with necrophilia. Yeah. Any of those.

13. Ever been caught reading smut/writing smut/drawing smut/looking at smutty drawings?

Peting's computer is right next to mine, so I'd say yes. And he looks and comments sometimes. Yes, he is very straight. Yes, he thought looking at gay porn was disgusting when he first meet me (although never had anything against gay-people... just didn't wanna see.). And then, well... he meet me. He is so used to it now he don't even raise an eyebrow.

14. What would your parent/guardian/family friend think if they saw your tumblr LiveJournal?

Peting: "Still the same fandom? Same old, same old... What does she wanna know about the male anatomy today?"

Spicehobbit: "RPS? AAAAH! My eyes!" *beat* "Where's the Les Misarables post...?"

Mom: "So this is what it actually looks like? Interesting..."

Brother: "You're nuts."

Had my father lived he'd have calmly told me to get out of the house more.

15. Oh shit you croaked without getting rid of the fandom stuff you saved to your computer. What's your next of kin or friend going to find when they turn on your computer?

They'd find a very orderly set of files and subfiles. So it's very easy to find on my comptuer. Photos, fanart, fanfic... The only thing I've hidden is my hentai-folder. *cough* So anyone would have to work a little to find that one. Hopefully they won't and I'll be able to stop anyone from looking in that deep dark pit.

This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
I don't know what it is with my Christmas-spirit this year, but I gotta say. I have none.

I've been working my ASS off trying to fix Christmas-gifts for everyone. Usually I buy on online-auctions, used and new stuff. Also websites and such. But I was a bit late doing that, so... All arrived though, in the nick of time. I wrapped what was supposed to be the last one tonight.

Except one hasn't arrived. [livejournal.com profile] peting73's hasn't arrived. So.... Slightly pissed off about that. And I ordered it the 2nd of December to! So I wasn't THAT late...

And I've tried to keep the apartment clean, and well... I've sorta managed that. In between Alexandra's temper tantrums. Oh yeah, she has started with those now.

Night between Thursday-Friday she stayed up from 1:30am to 5am. I'd gone to bed at 1am. Then she wakes up at 7am again, and we're home alone since [livejournal.com profile] peting73 is at work.

I was not a happy momma then. Gladly I had a sleep in both Friday morning and Saturday morning, since it was LARP-time for me this weekend!

But... I stayed up until 4am Saturday morning either way, so didn't sleep to much then either. Helped a friend with some stuff online then, even if... Well. Friend it feels like I'm in a drama with, so... I don't know. Worried like FUCK about her while at the same time I'm driven up the wall.

Long story there, not going into it.

Add to that that my OTHER really good friend online has gone MIA lately, and what with her suffering from a permanent disease, that kinda worries me... a lot.

I've sent off a ton of packets and christmas-cards today, so they'll be late, but they're on the way, so... perhaps call it a New Years card instead, maybe? *shrug*

Usually I have a shit-ton of spoons, but this christmas? Feels like there are no spoons left, wth? What is this with me lately?

[livejournal.com profile] peting73 does offer to help, but I don't know what to tell him. I just SEE what needs to be done during the day, and he... don't. And it's hard to make a list of things that I do during the day, especially during Christmas.

And next year we'll have a gathering here on the 23ed instead of going to [livejournal.com profile] peting73s mom like we'll do tomorrow... Oh, I do NOT look forward to that. Well, I do, but not the preparations for it. With Alexandra a year older to. Oh gawd...

Well, this was a chipper post, wasn't it?

Guh.

I'll just go to bed and pull something old and ugly over me. Like my cover.

And I haven't even painted my nails. *RAGE*

This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
This fandom... Seriously.

Two fans won a competition on Tokio Hotels Facebook. Well... They were mostly picked randomly I can imagine, but I am quite OK with that. I am actually very happy for these two girls that got a paid trip to Los Angeles to meet Bill and Tom Kaulitz. I think that is REALLY cool! And not something the twins had to do. They also got to hear two of the upcoming songs on the album that they're working on. Also really cool!

But do you think a big part of the fandom was happy for them? Of course not. That would be to much to ask, wouldn't it?

The guys cheated when they picked who won. They didn't look at the vids that the fans entered in the contest. They didn't care about their fans. They only picked the fans with the biggest tits. They only picked the fans that spammed their Facebook the most....

I could go on.

Why can't fans just be... happy for each other when something good happens, eh? Is that to much to ask?

Well.

I am happy for them at least. :-) And I hope they had a brilliant day! And that Bill and Tom are just as nice to talk to in RL as they appear to be in interviews.

Here's a photo of them girls:

Under this cut... )

And them girls also posted a vid from their hotel room after meeting them boys telling other fans about their experience. Something they did not have to do! But did anyway. Which I found quite awesome as well!

Vid with happy fans after meeting Kaulitz twins! )

Cute and nice girls. I would imagine they becoming friends after this. :-)

And tonight the MTV EMA's are in full swing. No, I am not watching it, unfortunately. I am doing LJ-things instead. (Obviously.)

Tokio Hotel won the award for Biggest Fans! :-D AWESOME, says I! But, of course, there's fans complaining about this to. Because the guys won't be there. They haven't said they'll be there, but there are apparently rumours going that they were supposed to. Hey. If it's not from the guys themselves, or their management, I call bullshit. And now there's fans angry at the boys for not going there in person to get the award... when they never said they were going to from start.

Grow up. That's all I'll say on that.

Right, so... Here I was getting back into the swing of things... Can someone tell me why? Hmm? *sigh*

This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.

Style Credit