KSena's Journal

I don't even know how to start this post, but...

I found out I've lost a really good friend yesterday. She killed herself. Slit her wrists and her throat. Less than two weeks ago.

We'd known each other for about 5 years. She was such a wonderful woman. Struggling with the incurable disease Lupus or SLE, not to mention sever depression and numerous other problems. She struggled on, and found joy in fandoms, fanfic and roleplaying.

And we bonded over that. We did several roleplaying lines. Mostly really dark, thriller or horror, since we both enjoyed doing that.

We had so much fun! And she said, numerous times, that talking to me and roleplaying with me helped her a lot. She smoked a lot of weed when I started talking to her, but she stopped that habit, crediting me for it. I don't know if it's true or not, but I am proud of the fact she managed to quit.

She has a son to. A gorgeous boy, who I think is 9 or 10 by now.

She pushed me when I struggled through IVF to get my darling girl. Cheering me on all the way. She'd planned to adopt her son, but changed her mind and loved him dearly, no matter how tough her life was.

And it was. I won't tell everything here, because hey... told in confidence, but holy fuck. Let's just say I'm happy my family is the good kind of crazy... So that she managed to make such a good life for herself and her kid, is amazing.

She had her support, of course. A good friend who stayed by her side through thick and thin and that she was a roommate with, sharing a house.

Sadly, that was not enough. A lot happened to both of us. And me, I could not be there for her the same way that I used to. I got my daughter. And then I started working fulltime. And since she lived in New Zealand, the time-difference ended up being a huge issue. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it, but yeah... I did my best, and when I saw that she'd cut herself I sent her an email of course. No response, but I didn't expect one since I knew she didn't respond any when she was really down, even if she always read everything.

And then, when I saw a coffin on her instagram, I thought it was her room-mate that had died, and passed my condolence. It wasn't. I got an answer from him, who she'd left her password to where he told me she'd died, killed herself.

I still can't believe it. And I ache and hurt for her sweet son. Now stuck in child services, despite seeing her best friend and roommate as family... Just wish I could help him.

*sigh*

Rest In Peace, Tashé. I hope you know that you were so very very loved. And not alone.


This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.

I rewatched Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides the other day. Well, I've rewatched all four of them since I ended up in a roleplaying Will Turner, cursed Captain of the Flying Dutchman in a RPG (slashed with Dean Winchester from Supernatural. Yep. It works.). And I LOVE and adore the first three movies! Well, my favorites being Dead Man's Chest and At Worlds End, what with the story-arc of Will Turner and the AWESOMENESS that is The Flying Dutchman and crew! (Yes, I fangirl a ship. Shut up.)

But the last movie, On Stranger Tides? It just don't... have the the same feeling. The same heart. Everyone just says that it's just because there's no Will Turner in it that I don't like it. And yeah, that's partly the reason, but not all.

I mean, I don't mind to much the fact there's no Will Turner in it.

No. What I do mind, however...

Is that Will Turner's and Elisabeth Swan's story arcs, so tightly woven together with Jack Sparrow's story arc... is totally ignored. When watching the forth movie, it's like you can just forget everything that happened in the first three, like they didn't matter. And THAT... is what bothers me the most. And I doubt that'll improve if/when the fifth movie arrives...

And now I've ranted about that. Just had to get that off my chest.

Talking about fandoms though, I have started working with a brilliant layout-maker to make a layout for tokiohotelslash. It'll cost me a bit from my own pocket, but hey... I think it's worth it. That place needs some loving. :-) And I can't wait to see what she'll come up with, since she does both coding and graphics. Gonna be fun! :-)

That's that about fandoms.

Now to the reason for my absence, if anyone even cares...

I've felt a bit low, if you will. Because I've had some serious troubles with the unemployment fund. I mean, I do qualify for support so should get money from them. BUT!!! And this is what had me so bothered...

Because I worked in June 2012. Like, mayorly pregnant and close to when Alexandra was born. I only worked in the big City Library for three hours that day. The only day that month. And then, a month and a week or so later, Alexandra was born. And my life as a new mom and getting used to that started.

Thing is. I never reported in those hours. I never got paid for them, since the finance department / payroll never ever got my paperwork. That also meant that I couldn't get a certificate of employment...

This, as it showed, got me in some serious troubles with the unemployment fund. :-/

Because they NEEDED that certificate of employment or I wouldn't get ANY money from them. They had ALL the paperwork they needed to, and had doublechecked with all the finance departments / payrolls of every job I've had these last years, since that is what they do. And when doing that, they noticed one certificate of employment was missing.

Now.

That meant I had to hand in my report on them hours to the finance department / payroll... more than one year late. Since I did the job in June 2012. And I had to have my then boss at the City Library sign it. She had no problems doing that. There were records of me working said hours at the library. So she did.

Then I called the finance department / payroll again telling them paperwork is on the way! At which point they told me it wasn't certain they COULD get me in their records since it was so long ago, and it's a new year and all that... But that they would try and I just had to wait since they went through all the paperwork for those hired by the hour in the mid/end of the month.

Which left me in limbo, pretty much, and living of peting73. He don't mind, but all this trouble left me feeling very down, I have to say.

And then there was this trouble with LJ and ALL the drama that came with it since there are too many people in too many fandoms that don't think but just spread rumors and... Yeah. That to pulled me down. (Here's some info on that issue, btw. From staff. In the USA, if that makes you feel better: Info from markf HERE.)

So I pretty much stopped reading on LJ. Stopped posting. Stopped reading fanfic. Stopped everything. Except chatting with my friends. Roleplaying with them. And helping them with THEIR fic. Because I just couldn't deal with all the rest.

LJ, fandom, fanfics... roleplaying. It's supposed to be fun, and it wasn't. I am now slowly, ever so slowly, getting back to it. It still feels fun. And I hope it'll continue to be that.

This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.