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Yes. If this subject bothers you, look away. Quite personal thoughts and worries here...
When I was pregnant with Alexandra I looked forward to breastfeeding her. I really and honestly did. I had planned to do it for 6 months. That was the plan. I was looking forward to the peace and serenity everyone talked about and wrote about that you would feel when you breastfeed your child...
Safe to say, it didn't work out that way. At all.
First, when we were still at the hospital and Alexandra was sick right after she'd been born... My milk didn't come in. At all. The nurses asked me if it felt so and so in my breasts, because that would mean it would come in soon. It didn't. At all. But they kept telling me to keep trying with Alexandra (who was sick and tired and didn't even wanna grab on to my breasts then) and also to keep trying with the breast-pump-thing they have there, since that would get the milk going to. In the meantime I feed Alexandra through a tube in her nose. :-/
I did. I did EVERYTHING they told me to. My breasts just hurt from it all, especially the nipples.
No milk.
They also told me it could be from stress what with Alexandra being sick and us being stuck so long at the hospital. True. But it didn't feel good feeding Alexandra through a tube. I mean, it's not like I was going to do that at home! So we started to use breastmilk substitute in a bottle. Something Alexandra took to very well!
Then we got home. And they were right. A little milk did get going, and since Alexandra likes it, I breastfeed her what little I have and give her the bottle afterwards.
But my nipples still hurt like fuck. And it is not Alexandras fault. She knows exactly what she is doing and grabs on to the nipple just like she should. But it hurts. And the peace and serenity? Nowhere in sight. I feel stressed and in pain every time. Sometimes she just fights my breasts, boxing them around and crying. And when I change to the other breasts, she has no problem suckling from that one. Very odd. And stressing me out more. And yes. My nipples still hurt like fuck.
It feels like I am doing it wrong, even though I know, logically, that I am doing just like I should.
And you know what the worst part is? That nurses and such that you are in contact with when having such a small baby keep pressuring me into keep up the painful breastfeeding since my milk is good for Alexandra. And I know it is. I KNOW!
The pressure and the feeling that if I don't keep up with the painful breastfeeding I fail as a mother... :-/ Interstingly though, is that when I took the decision to bottlefeed Alexandra, more in my family spoke up and said they've done that to!![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
peting73s mom said that he'd been bottlefeed... Hell, even my own mother told me she'd only breastfeed me and my brother for 2-3 months! And then didn't dare to tell the nurse she had that she'd started to bottlefeed us, since yes... back then, apparently it was even worse with the pressure that you HAD to breastfeed your kid, or you failed as a mom... :-/
Two weeks... She's just two weeks and two days... It's not long, I know... And I really shouldn't complain, should I? But dammit! I am in pain! And it is a battle of wills with Alexandra every time it is feeding time... Boxing around my breasts, and then MAYBE suckle a little on them...
Gah! I don't know what to do....
Sorry. Just had to vent a bit. :-/
When I was pregnant with Alexandra I looked forward to breastfeeding her. I really and honestly did. I had planned to do it for 6 months. That was the plan. I was looking forward to the peace and serenity everyone talked about and wrote about that you would feel when you breastfeed your child...
Safe to say, it didn't work out that way. At all.
First, when we were still at the hospital and Alexandra was sick right after she'd been born... My milk didn't come in. At all. The nurses asked me if it felt so and so in my breasts, because that would mean it would come in soon. It didn't. At all. But they kept telling me to keep trying with Alexandra (who was sick and tired and didn't even wanna grab on to my breasts then) and also to keep trying with the breast-pump-thing they have there, since that would get the milk going to. In the meantime I feed Alexandra through a tube in her nose. :-/
I did. I did EVERYTHING they told me to. My breasts just hurt from it all, especially the nipples.
No milk.
They also told me it could be from stress what with Alexandra being sick and us being stuck so long at the hospital. True. But it didn't feel good feeding Alexandra through a tube. I mean, it's not like I was going to do that at home! So we started to use breastmilk substitute in a bottle. Something Alexandra took to very well!
Then we got home. And they were right. A little milk did get going, and since Alexandra likes it, I breastfeed her what little I have and give her the bottle afterwards.
But my nipples still hurt like fuck. And it is not Alexandras fault. She knows exactly what she is doing and grabs on to the nipple just like she should. But it hurts. And the peace and serenity? Nowhere in sight. I feel stressed and in pain every time. Sometimes she just fights my breasts, boxing them around and crying. And when I change to the other breasts, she has no problem suckling from that one. Very odd. And stressing me out more. And yes. My nipples still hurt like fuck.
It feels like I am doing it wrong, even though I know, logically, that I am doing just like I should.
And you know what the worst part is? That nurses and such that you are in contact with when having such a small baby keep pressuring me into keep up the painful breastfeeding since my milk is good for Alexandra. And I know it is. I KNOW!
The pressure and the feeling that if I don't keep up with the painful breastfeeding I fail as a mother... :-/ Interstingly though, is that when I took the decision to bottlefeed Alexandra, more in my family spoke up and said they've done that to!
peting73s mom said that he'd been bottlefeed... Hell, even my own mother told me she'd only breastfeed me and my brother for 2-3 months! And then didn't dare to tell the nurse she had that she'd started to bottlefeed us, since yes... back then, apparently it was even worse with the pressure that you HAD to breastfeed your kid, or you failed as a mom... :-/Two weeks... She's just two weeks and two days... It's not long, I know... And I really shouldn't complain, should I? But dammit! I am in pain! And it is a battle of wills with Alexandra every time it is feeding time... Boxing around my breasts, and then MAYBE suckle a little on them...
Gah! I don't know what to do....
Sorry. Just had to vent a bit. :-/
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-25 08:30 pm (UTC)I really wanted to breastfeed Jameson, too, but he wouldn't gain weight and actually lost weight when I was breastfeeding, so on formula he went. I was able to breastfeed Kat for quite a few months, but then my supply dried out because of my work schedule. It happens and really, unless you're dead set to breastfeed, it's really okay. When it's a struggle for both of you and neither of you are happy, then I don't think it's nutritionally or emotionally healthy. (Besides, I am of firm belief that 'stressed out' milk can make a baby's tummy upset)
If you really want to continue to try, though, perhaps you have something similar to a breastfeeding organization there as we have here called the LaLeche League. They help moms and babies figure out why the breastfeeding isn't working and tell you how to fix it. You might try something like that?
In either case, I wish you and Alexandra the best of luck with this. It's a tough situation to be in. *hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-26 03:52 pm (UTC)And yeah, there is such an organisation here. I don't know why I haven't called them. It is called M-ammor (Moms = mammor, breastfeeding = amma, so it is a play with words.) When you call that number, you get to a lot of moms that have breastfeed or am breastfeeding and can give advice and such.
It is a very tough situation. I want to do what is best for her, but right now I just don't know what is, you know? :-/
Thanx for your advice. *HUGS TIGHT*