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Before you continue... Remember... You might like Twilight, and that is fine. I won't hold it against you, and you can gosh over it how much you want in your LJ. However, this is my LJ, so here are my thoughts. Nothing personal.
Also, I am not holding punches here, so bad language is present in this.
With that said, do read on.
Twilight chapter by chapter... Sorta....
These are my reactions as I read the book. I only put down some notes here and there during my reading. One can clearly see I get more annoyed the more I read since the comments on each chapter turns longer, and longer...
Chapter 1:
"Now my horrific day tomorrow..." Eh? Had to read that twice.
"It was nice to be alone [...] a relief to stare dejectedly out the window at the sheeting rain and let just a few tears escape." *sigh* Emo goth much? I can see why some of my really young vamp-LARP friends like this.
Chapter 2-8
Edward and Bella fall in LOVE with each other... Bella whines at Forks. At her mom. At her dad. At everything. Fails to see how everyone else falls head over heals for her. The truck-scene happens. It sucks. Even the guy who really got hurt apologizes to Bella, and no one cares about him. *shakes head*
Bella meets the native american tribe that lives close by. The whole plot is revealed in a legand. Thanx alot SMeyers... Native americans are at least a little bit intresting characters. Sadly we don't get to see much of them.
Chapter 9:
"I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him." My GAWD! Who talks like this? Even writes like this?
Chapter 13:
Bella: "Your saying I am your brand of heroin?"
Edward: "Yes, your exactly my brand of heroin."
Whole chapter about how Edward wants to drink her up because she smells like the best dinner in the world! Or... his perfect brand of heroin... And Bella is totally cool with it. No reaction at all.
Also... Sparkle. They FUCKING SPARKLE!!! *groans* They can take anything: garlic, sunshine, stake, crosses... Anything! But they sparkle in the sun... It is so stupid... I... *groans some more*
Chapter 14:
Edward confesses he has stalked her, and watched her sleep etc. Been in her entire room and house, and knows exactly where she has her stuff. Again, she is totally cool with it. In fact, she finds it romantic. *face-palm*
Chapter 15:
Walking right into a wolfs den, and she ain't afraid? Oh no, just worried that no one will like her. Hon, Bella. They want to eat you. And your acting like an idiot. Again.
Chapter 16:
In fact the story about Carlise was quite good. But then it turned silly again. A interesting glimpse, over to soon.
Chapter17:
WTF? Vampire baseball? So, so silly...
Chapter 18:
Oh... NOW we get a bad guy... *face-palm* Good going, SMeyers... or not... Bad guy introduced at page 328/434.... SMeyers. You suck.
Chapter 19:
Well now. Another character that I actually start to like. Alice. Like her counterpart Drusilla, only less with the insane and evul.
Chapter 20:
Oh, so the clumsy constantly falling over heroine used to dance ballet. That is just not believable, SMeyers, the way you have introduced Bella so far. Alice, is still cool, though. I am waiting for you to destroy her as well. Also, watch out for the plot-hammer of DOOM! Dammit, SMeyers. You don't have to hit your readers over the head with the plot. Even if they are young, they can understand what your saying. (Although there is doubt about that since your language suck.)
Oh, ffs! *face-palm... again...* He is HUNTER! You are making him into your every day kidnapper....![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
das_mervin is right. He needs a fucking mustach to twirl. *groan* And again Bella is fine with going to her death. Girl, there is something seriously wrong with you.
Chapter 21:
Ms Stumble-All-The-Time outruns super-fast vampires. I am laughing SMeyers. Not.
Mr Bad-guy-James talks to damn much. He does need a mustach to twirl. Thanx for that mental image,das_mervin.
Oh GAWD! *groan* She DID take inspiration for Alice from Drusilla! Asylum, my ass.... *double-groan*
Oh fuck. There is action. And she faints, so we can't follow the action. Epic fail, SMeyers. Epic fail.
Chapter 22 + 23:
Oh, because no one else can suck the poison out of Bella's blood then Mr Dreamy-Sparklepants... *rolls eyes* But that is fine. Her blood and scent is like heroin for him, remember... Crack, I tell you. Crack. Also, no action since our herione was fainted on the floor. As I said, crack.
Chapter 24:
Alice IS a Dru-copy! *groan* Or a Rose copy... *shakes head* No wonder I like her. :-P
Couldn't they figure out another story to cower for them? Epic FAIL! *face-palm... again* And considering how hurt she got from... "falling", they should get a Doc to look at her balance. It is clearly cracked. Like the rest of the book.
And now the begging starts... Please vamp me out, Ed! *groan* 'Cause oh noes, I might grow oooold... *whines*
Epilouge:
Oh, Charlie is acting like the grownup, and not you... Bo fucking hoo, Bella...
Oh, she is complaining that Charlie is actually acting like an adult and cared for her. Oh noes! He is giving you rules!
Ze horror! Edward is taking you to the prom. *face-palm... again...*
I don't know. Having a boyfriend talk for you. And telling you not to be difficult. I would have broken up a long time ago, no matter how gorgeous he is. (Oh, and SMeyers is still telling us how bloody perfect Edward is...)
You don't HAVE to mention the books name in the book... *sigh*
Oh, what a bloody ending.... *groan*
Final thoughts:
Well. What to say? This is not a well written book. It isn't. I have read rumours on the net that SMeyers is an english mayor. She can't be. Not with a language like this. OK, so I might be to old for this book with my 31 years. I know it is written for a much younger audience. But just because a kid is about 13-16 abouts, don't mean they are stupid. And SMeyers constantly stupify her readers in this book.
Another thing that annoyed me is that secondary characters were written out as soon as the main characters got each other. And that such a big part of the book was only Bella saying how much she loved Edward. How perfect he is. How gorgeous he is... I could go on. She even compares him to a greek god. And she calls him Adonis. Twice! (I checked.) OK. We GET IT! He is the most perfect man in the world. His family full of vamps are the most perfect people in the world. But you don't have to say it every other line!
Talking about the vampires. It is quite idiotic what you have done with the vampire-myth here, SMeyers. These vamps could easily take over the world. You can't kill them. Unless you rip them to shreds, but that require so much strength only other vampires can do it. They have no weaknesses either. Crosses, garlic, sun, whatever! They can take it. There only weakness is they sparkle in the sun... SPARKLE!!! I mean... It is so silly, it ain't even funny... But you actually gave Edward one intresting thing. He don't sleep. At all. That could have been intresting, but instead you just continued writing how bloody perfect he is. Letting that one intresting thing slip. Bad writing there.
I agre with Robert Pattinson (who plays Edward in the movie) when he says this book is a very personal thing. Almost like a personal sex fantasy. I agree. This is a Mary Sue story. And not even a good one. SMeyers clearly sees herself being Bella. And Edward is her wet dream. I wonder how much she masturbated while writing this? Oh. She is a mormon. Can't do nasty things then... *shakes head* But I bet she still did. With the lights out.
So. Will I read the rest of the series? Yes. If nothing else because they are so much crack. No. They are crack, and crack alone. And I will read them. Because bad as they are, it is quite fun to make fun of them. And it is so much easier to do that, after I have read them.
Also, I am not holding punches here, so bad language is present in this.
With that said, do read on.
Twilight chapter by chapter... Sorta....
These are my reactions as I read the book. I only put down some notes here and there during my reading. One can clearly see I get more annoyed the more I read since the comments on each chapter turns longer, and longer...
Chapter 1:
"Now my horrific day tomorrow..." Eh? Had to read that twice.
"It was nice to be alone [...] a relief to stare dejectedly out the window at the sheeting rain and let just a few tears escape." *sigh* Emo goth much? I can see why some of my really young vamp-LARP friends like this.
Chapter 2-8
Edward and Bella fall in LOVE with each other... Bella whines at Forks. At her mom. At her dad. At everything. Fails to see how everyone else falls head over heals for her. The truck-scene happens. It sucks. Even the guy who really got hurt apologizes to Bella, and no one cares about him. *shakes head*
Bella meets the native american tribe that lives close by. The whole plot is revealed in a legand. Thanx alot SMeyers... Native americans are at least a little bit intresting characters. Sadly we don't get to see much of them.
Chapter 9:
"I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him." My GAWD! Who talks like this? Even writes like this?
Chapter 13:
Bella: "Your saying I am your brand of heroin?"
Edward: "Yes, your exactly my brand of heroin."
Whole chapter about how Edward wants to drink her up because she smells like the best dinner in the world! Or... his perfect brand of heroin... And Bella is totally cool with it. No reaction at all.
Also... Sparkle. They FUCKING SPARKLE!!! *groans* They can take anything: garlic, sunshine, stake, crosses... Anything! But they sparkle in the sun... It is so stupid... I... *groans some more*
Chapter 14:
Edward confesses he has stalked her, and watched her sleep etc. Been in her entire room and house, and knows exactly where she has her stuff. Again, she is totally cool with it. In fact, she finds it romantic. *face-palm*
Chapter 15:
Walking right into a wolfs den, and she ain't afraid? Oh no, just worried that no one will like her. Hon, Bella. They want to eat you. And your acting like an idiot. Again.
Chapter 16:
In fact the story about Carlise was quite good. But then it turned silly again. A interesting glimpse, over to soon.
Chapter17:
WTF? Vampire baseball? So, so silly...
Chapter 18:
Oh... NOW we get a bad guy... *face-palm* Good going, SMeyers... or not... Bad guy introduced at page 328/434.... SMeyers. You suck.
Chapter 19:
Well now. Another character that I actually start to like. Alice. Like her counterpart Drusilla, only less with the insane and evul.
Chapter 20:
Oh, so the clumsy constantly falling over heroine used to dance ballet. That is just not believable, SMeyers, the way you have introduced Bella so far. Alice, is still cool, though. I am waiting for you to destroy her as well. Also, watch out for the plot-hammer of DOOM! Dammit, SMeyers. You don't have to hit your readers over the head with the plot. Even if they are young, they can understand what your saying. (Although there is doubt about that since your language suck.)
Oh, ffs! *face-palm... again...* He is HUNTER! You are making him into your every day kidnapper....
das_mervin is right. He needs a fucking mustach to twirl. *groan* And again Bella is fine with going to her death. Girl, there is something seriously wrong with you.Chapter 21:
Ms Stumble-All-The-Time outruns super-fast vampires. I am laughing SMeyers. Not.
Mr Bad-guy-James talks to damn much. He does need a mustach to twirl. Thanx for that mental image,
das_mervin.Oh GAWD! *groan* She DID take inspiration for Alice from Drusilla! Asylum, my ass.... *double-groan*
Oh fuck. There is action. And she faints, so we can't follow the action. Epic fail, SMeyers. Epic fail.
Chapter 22 + 23:
Oh, because no one else can suck the poison out of Bella's blood then Mr Dreamy-Sparklepants... *rolls eyes* But that is fine. Her blood and scent is like heroin for him, remember... Crack, I tell you. Crack. Also, no action since our herione was fainted on the floor. As I said, crack.
Chapter 24:
Alice IS a Dru-copy! *groan* Or a Rose copy... *shakes head* No wonder I like her. :-P
Couldn't they figure out another story to cower for them? Epic FAIL! *face-palm... again* And considering how hurt she got from... "falling", they should get a Doc to look at her balance. It is clearly cracked. Like the rest of the book.
And now the begging starts... Please vamp me out, Ed! *groan* 'Cause oh noes, I might grow oooold... *whines*
Epilouge:
Oh, Charlie is acting like the grownup, and not you... Bo fucking hoo, Bella...
Oh, she is complaining that Charlie is actually acting like an adult and cared for her. Oh noes! He is giving you rules!
Ze horror! Edward is taking you to the prom. *face-palm... again...*
I don't know. Having a boyfriend talk for you. And telling you not to be difficult. I would have broken up a long time ago, no matter how gorgeous he is. (Oh, and SMeyers is still telling us how bloody perfect Edward is...)
You don't HAVE to mention the books name in the book... *sigh*
Oh, what a bloody ending.... *groan*
Final thoughts:
Well. What to say? This is not a well written book. It isn't. I have read rumours on the net that SMeyers is an english mayor. She can't be. Not with a language like this. OK, so I might be to old for this book with my 31 years. I know it is written for a much younger audience. But just because a kid is about 13-16 abouts, don't mean they are stupid. And SMeyers constantly stupify her readers in this book.
Another thing that annoyed me is that secondary characters were written out as soon as the main characters got each other. And that such a big part of the book was only Bella saying how much she loved Edward. How perfect he is. How gorgeous he is... I could go on. She even compares him to a greek god. And she calls him Adonis. Twice! (I checked.) OK. We GET IT! He is the most perfect man in the world. His family full of vamps are the most perfect people in the world. But you don't have to say it every other line!
Talking about the vampires. It is quite idiotic what you have done with the vampire-myth here, SMeyers. These vamps could easily take over the world. You can't kill them. Unless you rip them to shreds, but that require so much strength only other vampires can do it. They have no weaknesses either. Crosses, garlic, sun, whatever! They can take it. There only weakness is they sparkle in the sun... SPARKLE!!! I mean... It is so silly, it ain't even funny... But you actually gave Edward one intresting thing. He don't sleep. At all. That could have been intresting, but instead you just continued writing how bloody perfect he is. Letting that one intresting thing slip. Bad writing there.
I agre with Robert Pattinson (who plays Edward in the movie) when he says this book is a very personal thing. Almost like a personal sex fantasy. I agree. This is a Mary Sue story. And not even a good one. SMeyers clearly sees herself being Bella. And Edward is her wet dream. I wonder how much she masturbated while writing this? Oh. She is a mormon. Can't do nasty things then... *shakes head* But I bet she still did. With the lights out.
So. Will I read the rest of the series? Yes. If nothing else because they are so much crack. No. They are crack, and crack alone. And I will read them. Because bad as they are, it is quite fun to make fun of them. And it is so much easier to do that, after I have read them.
Tags:
(no subject)
Date: 2008-11-30 02:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-11-30 02:18 pm (UTC)But I think one of the things that made these books so popular is that it is the insignificant (in her mind) girl that gets the perfect boy/man that everyone wants and he only gives attention to her. Every girls dream that. Add a shitload of angst (and I do mean shitload), vampires and vamp-erotica and there you go.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-02 09:04 pm (UTC)