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Losing a friend...
I don't even know how to start this post, but...
I found out I've lost a really good friend yesterday. She killed herself. Slit her wrists and her throat. Less than two weeks ago.
We'd known each other for about 5 years. She was such a wonderful woman. Struggling with the incurable disease Lupus or SLE, not to mention sever depression and numerous other problems. She struggled on, and found joy in fandoms, fanfic and roleplaying.
And we bonded over that. We did several roleplaying lines. Mostly really dark, thriller or horror, since we both enjoyed doing that.
We had so much fun! And she said, numerous times, that talking to me and roleplaying with me helped her a lot. She smoked a lot of weed when I started talking to her, but she stopped that habit, crediting me for it. I don't know if it's true or not, but I am proud of the fact she managed to quit.
She has a son to. A gorgeous boy, who I think is 9 or 10 by now.
She pushed me when I struggled through IVF to get my darling girl. Cheering me on all the way. She'd planned to adopt her son, but changed her mind and loved him dearly, no matter how tough her life was.
And it was. I won't tell everything here, because hey... told in confidence, but holy fuck. Let's just say I'm happy my family is the good kind of crazy... So that she managed to make such a good life for herself and her kid, is amazing.
She had her support, of course. A good friend who stayed by her side through thick and thin and that she was a roommate with, sharing a house.
Sadly, that was not enough. A lot happened to both of us. And me, I could not be there for her the same way that I used to. I got my daughter. And then I started working fulltime. And since she lived in New Zealand, the time-difference ended up being a huge issue. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it, but yeah... I did my best, and when I saw that she'd cut herself I sent her an email of course. No response, but I didn't expect one since I knew she didn't respond any when she was really down, even if she always read everything.
And then, when I saw a coffin on her instagram, I thought it was her room-mate that had died, and passed my condolence. It wasn't. I got an answer from him, who she'd left her password to where he told me she'd died, killed herself.
I still can't believe it. And I ache and hurt for her sweet son. Now stuck in child services, despite seeing her best friend and roommate as family... Just wish I could help him.
*sigh*
Rest In Peace, Tashé. I hope you know that you were so very very loved. And not alone.
This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
I found out I've lost a really good friend yesterday. She killed herself. Slit her wrists and her throat. Less than two weeks ago.
We'd known each other for about 5 years. She was such a wonderful woman. Struggling with the incurable disease Lupus or SLE, not to mention sever depression and numerous other problems. She struggled on, and found joy in fandoms, fanfic and roleplaying.
And we bonded over that. We did several roleplaying lines. Mostly really dark, thriller or horror, since we both enjoyed doing that.
We had so much fun! And she said, numerous times, that talking to me and roleplaying with me helped her a lot. She smoked a lot of weed when I started talking to her, but she stopped that habit, crediting me for it. I don't know if it's true or not, but I am proud of the fact she managed to quit.
She has a son to. A gorgeous boy, who I think is 9 or 10 by now.
She pushed me when I struggled through IVF to get my darling girl. Cheering me on all the way. She'd planned to adopt her son, but changed her mind and loved him dearly, no matter how tough her life was.
And it was. I won't tell everything here, because hey... told in confidence, but holy fuck. Let's just say I'm happy my family is the good kind of crazy... So that she managed to make such a good life for herself and her kid, is amazing.
She had her support, of course. A good friend who stayed by her side through thick and thin and that she was a roommate with, sharing a house.
Sadly, that was not enough. A lot happened to both of us. And me, I could not be there for her the same way that I used to. I got my daughter. And then I started working fulltime. And since she lived in New Zealand, the time-difference ended up being a huge issue. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it, but yeah... I did my best, and when I saw that she'd cut herself I sent her an email of course. No response, but I didn't expect one since I knew she didn't respond any when she was really down, even if she always read everything.
And then, when I saw a coffin on her instagram, I thought it was her room-mate that had died, and passed my condolence. It wasn't. I got an answer from him, who she'd left her password to where he told me she'd died, killed herself.
I still can't believe it. And I ache and hurt for her sweet son. Now stuck in child services, despite seeing her best friend and roommate as family... Just wish I could help him.
*sigh*
Rest In Peace, Tashé. I hope you know that you were so very very loved. And not alone.
This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
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{{{hugs}}}
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Thanx for coming over and giving me a random thought. *HUGS* Take good care of Rushi.
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It's amazing, how much pain people can be in.
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I am doing pretty good now, but it strikes me randomly that she is really gone. Like when she had her birthday the other day. Or would have had....
I can't stop thinking about her son. Or feel more or less guilty over the fact I could not be there more for her.
I pray that does not make me selfish. :-P