The state of KSena's mind...

Hey ho, whoever still reads this thing.

First off, and this is important, I must say I owe a lot to snowstormskies. We ended up in a... fight? Disagreement? I don't even know what to call it. But I nearly lost her as a friend. We solved much of our issues, and I am so so grateful to still be able to call her friend.

Because lately she has been able to help me get my mind moving.

Thing is, Alexandra wakes up every night. Every. Single. Night. And demands snuggles, gruel and then she falls asleep again. IF I'm lucky. There are times when she stays up all night. ALL NIGHT LONG. Like last night when she woke up around 1am and didn't fall asleep again until around 6am.

It drives me insane. And effects my own sleeping. When I go to bed I am so concentrated on listening for any sound at all from her room, that any sound from the apartment at all rushes me into a fight/flight mood, heart racing. This makes sure I have a hard time relaxing when going to bed. Which, what with my daughter and her nightly habits, make sure I don't sleep so very much. :-P

Combine this with the fact that I've felt more down then I've ever done since October/November or so, it's no good...

Now, snowstormskies with her Hat Of Truth (its glorious, ask her) and her previous experiences has started nagging me to get help for this. Because I can NOT shake this down feeling... Some days are better, but... most often than not I feel down about everything and I can't even pinpoint why.

I should be happy. I should be on the top of the world. I have a wonderful man in my life, peting73. I have the best friends one could ask for, my sister in all but blood spicehobbit in particular. I have a HUGE extended family that is not of this world, a support-system not everyone has.

I have a daughter, Alexandra, that I struggled so hard to be able to give birth to that I love more than life itself...

And still... STILL!

It's fucked up. And the logical part of my brain realise this. But can't do anything about it.

So I will try and listen to snowstormskies advice. I will try to find help for something I don't even know what it is. But I'll start with one thing. And that's to get help with Alexandra and her nightly habits. It's a step in the right direction at least...

Hopefully I'll have a more fun post another time with some links or something...

Over and out...

This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.

Link-dump Part One... Depression.

I've read up a lot about depression these last months, and I've found a lot of interesting stuff. Things I've found and then got sent to me in case I hadn't read it... So it's been a lot. I've always tried to be there for my friends. It's what I do. And any friend should do. And being the librarian I am, after an... incident, shall we say on Twitter, I decided to read up like fuck as much as I could.

The blogger ChipInHead wrote a very interesting post, pointing out that no matter how much I try I am no Doc. No professional. So when push comes to show... I can only beg my friends to seek help.

Depression is a disease and most of us aren't doctors...

This Tumblr post made by a Rob Delaney, who've also suffered from depression, is also making a valid point. And I quote the end of the post: Get help. Don’t think. Get help. (From the end of the post.) So yeah, I won't shut up about it. And I won't give up on you. So there. Anyway, it's a very good post all in all, and deserves a read.

On Depression & Getting Help

I'm a visual person. I've always been. It's why I am such a HUGE comic/graphic novel fan, I suppose. And this? When I stumbled upon this months ago, it really helped me understand my friends better. Don't mean I'll shut up, but it did help me tons. So... I'll share it.

Hyperbole and a Half on: Depression

Talking of comix and me being a visuel person, I did find an online comic that tries to show what depression is like. I am in no position to say if it is accurate, but... I think it's good and helps me at least to understand better.

Depression Comix .Com

I also try to see behind what my friends say, even if I probably fail sometimes...

A Come out of the dark post: Someday we'll be able to REALLY say what's on our minds...


I've probably lost a ton of links where I've read interesting and well worded articles, but these are the ones I still kept. I hope they can help anyone else, either to understand their friends or for those suffering from depression to see that they are not alone.


This entry is crossposted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.