KSena's Journal

I'm gonna say like everyone else above me, do what you feel is right.

Talk to the nurses, and the home vistor (if she's still coming) or to your doctor, ask for some help but at the end of the day, you're in control of this. You're her mother and you are in control of this. If it's not working, then don't force it, and don't panic.

Formula milk has come a long long way, and it's a perfectly good alternative to breastmilk with added vitamins, minerals, and healthy support ingredients; your baby got the first two weeks of your milk though, and that's the most important part. There's nothing wrong with feeding from a bottle, and you can still be close to her while doing it - hold her, feel her, be close to her.

Your baby will be fine; I promise. You are not a bad mother for not breastfeeding - sometimes, the body says "No," and you can't force it. You keep telling me to listen to my body and I'm gonna be a real brat and repeat it back at you. Listen to your body. Let it tell you what it can and can't do and then fill in the gaps.

When she's older, she'll love you for feeding her; not for whichever source it came from.

You are an awesome mum. I keep saying this but you are. You've been through a lot to get this little viking; getting pregnant, carrying her around for nine months - or more, since she decided to be a little late on the scene :P - and going through labour. And then afterwards, she was sick which is really hard on you, emotionally and physically. You've given a lot for her, and sometimes, things don't turn out the way we expect.

But it's not the end of the world.

Whatever you decide to do, and whether you bottlefeed, breast feed, or a little of each, she won't love you two any less.

And now, I'm gonna take my preachy self, and go.

Edit: I see I was wrong about the first two weeks - since, duh, me, she's only two weeks old - but I still think you need to think about you as well as your little one. Even though breastfeeding is best, if you're angry, tired, and frustrated, it doesn't help her; and it just winds you up more and more because it's not happening.

I hope the nurse can give you some tips and guidelines on how to do it, because sometimes, it takes a while to kick in and then you can just ... find it.

To throw in an anecdote, I asked my mum about it because I wondered if she had some advice or wisdom to share. She said that she had to feed my brother on specialist formula milk because he is lactose intolerant, and couldn't take her milk in because he was so sick. Nothing worked - he couldn't keep it down, and he was tired and she was tired but when he went on the special powder, he was fine. In all honesty, he's turned out alright - mostly... I'm kind of biased 'cause he's my brother :P - but she struggled too.

She also told me it hurt that she couldn't breastfeed him, because he was her first baby, and he was sick too after he was born, and so was she from where she bled out from a doctor's mistakes. She said it was hard to admit because people thought you were a failure if you couldn't breastfeed but it was either bottle feeding or he starved, and she had to look at it like that.

She also recommended that if it doesn't work though, it's okay to admit it doesn't and perhaps you can express it, and feed it to her that way, so she still gets the nutrients? I don't know if that's okay for you, but it still means she's getting some of it from you.

She also said that sometimes babies go through periods when they're frustrating because they won't or can't get it right, and , it just takes some time for them to get the hang of it again. Same with parents.

Perservance, and lots of deep breathing.

You are still good parents, whatever happens, and you need to do what is right for BOTH of you, not just her.